Remember how I always say that Panama is a matchbox and nobody is ever really lost? Well, I must say that I stand corrected; I was browsing De Alante yesterday doing what any respectable male over the age of 13 would be doing when he’s got nothing to do (check out the hot mommas) and I ran into this one post about last Thursday night at a club named “Buzz.” Now, I’ve been away from the life of partying in the hot-spot places long enough to not be aware that this place was still open… this is as good a time as any though to tell you a little bit about how the club circuit works in this country. From my recollection there has only been 2 clubs that have been open for 5 years, and only one of those for more than 10. 5 years ago or so a club called “Liquid” opened, rising from the ashes of the once popular “Patatus.” This place, just like all of the other places like it that came before was the hottest thing around for 6 months. hell, I think it was 2002 or 2003 when I last stepped in there and it was still a viable place for events or whatever. But, just as it happens with most clubs in the capital the place lost its spark, and along certain allegations of drug rings and people getting stabbed there the place just lost people’s interest. It’s still open (or at least randomly; I pass by and I see people sometimes, yet others there’s no one to be found) but it’s been relegated to the less-friendly and more-likely-to-bust-a-cap-in-your-ass-yo crowd. Anyway, the other one is called Rock Café (nothing to do with the Hard Rock Café, or cafés for that matter) and that place can be labeled as the true Highlander of all clubs, to this day having a whopping 15 years or more. The place has seen it all with people O.D-ing, getting punched, stabbed, shot at and everything else under the sun, so much so that you’d believe it to be part of a G.T.A game. G.T.A: Marbella. Marbella being, ironically, the posh, preppy sector of this here city. But, these two places are the notable exceptions to what has been a long line of clubs that open up, gobble up the hot-spot factor and squeeze it for all it’s worth until the new, prettier, fancier club opens and the former is forced to close down. Bars are a different story for some reason I can’t comprehend, but the clubs change face so easily that you’d swear they were money laundering.

Anyway, so these pictures at Buzz show up and El Bear points me out to the picture you will see below. Please don’t let the crack whore in the pink shirt with the big titties distract you. Yes, I know she kind of looks like a Galapagos turtle who had too much to drink but you must focus now. Come on. Focus on my story. She kind of looks like Jenna Jameson. Her ugly, chola distant cousin neither she nor her family talks to. They talk to Jenna though. They do, because even though she’s in the porn business she’s hot as hell. And she’d look even hotter drunk for some inexplicable reason… and then fuck the bottle. Unlike her ugly chola cousin displayed below. Well, who knows about fucking the bottle, though. She looks like a cock sucker. Yes, so as I was saying, these guys were over there that Thursday and I had heard good things of the goings-on that night… that’s when I began grilling the idea on my awesome idea griller. Yesterday was the BBQ sauce brushed all over my idea steak, though: I haven’t seen this girl since the long-defunct Club 844 (rest in peace, you awesome bastard) a good 2 years ago or maybe more. Bounceddog introduced me to this girl and I never did anything significant and I’ve been beating myself up about ever since. Anyway, I came in at the worst of times (go figure) and she just dissappeared off the map. Unbelievable. From what I remember Bounceddog telling me, as it turns out the girl had to leave the country for college or something or other that at the time I didn’t pay much attention to because I was too busy thinking about what she would taste like if dipped in chocolate.

So, she shows up in this picture and I’m instantly WTF-ing myself. Now, I have this thing where I like looking for closure in the most swift, drastic method I can. I’m very black-and-white that way, Ironically. Who would’ve thunk that this girl would come back? Look, bitches, it’s true I bitch a lot about Panama and you can call me Mary Poppins or whatever the hell you want but this country has just as much going for it as it does against it. For example, the women. Hell, if you step into the link from the pictures of that night, most of these girls are whack-off material (Oh yes, ladies. Face it. Men like to jerk off to you. You should try it out sometime, getting jerked off on. It feels dirty and great, so I’ve been told. Film it, even. You’ll be your own little porn star, you dirty girlie… and the fact that I’m confident enough to call you out on this type of ridiculous shit is exactly what’s wrong with this country, dammit) just out of hot beautiful they are. And it’s like this all over the place, I love it. The people are nice when they get over the fact they’re talking to a random stranger, and you’ll always have fun when you hang out with a Panamanian. We always find a way to make your day a little more interesting.

So, I’m calling out an “Avengers Assemble” here and go over to Buzz this Thursday. I’m too intrigued to let this shit pass up. Oh, and by the way, Canada has us beat on candy production. In the past week I’ve had so much excellent candy that I would kill for more. Fuck, bring some maple trees down here. and Coffee Crisp. Pascual ain’t got shit on these. But I digress… In all seriousness though, I’ve been looking for an excuse to go to a club again. It’s been a while since I last went to one and it’s always a nice change of pace to go all out, and specially when it’s for a good cause.

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