So, it hasn’t even been a month and my little chunk of Internet is making waves! This was too great to let it wait until tomorrow (or later today, rather) so I’m pulling overtime in order to mock on some people who, this time around, lawfully deserve it. I’m having some AWESOME birthday cake when I get a phone call, as well as some text messages. As it turns out, not one, BUT TWO girlfriends of mine tell me in the span of 20 minutes that one of my rants, this one, has generated some grief. One of them, the more laidback of the two, took it the way I thought she would: as a big ol’ joke. We laughed it off. Anyway, the other didn’t find it so funny… in fact, she was convinced it was her. This proves to me something that I’ll get into with more detail below, but rest assured that the analysis is hilarious. To help my friends avoid some grief with their recently appointed bo’s, as you can see now in the rant in question I’ve updated the post to include this:

(***SPOILER ALERT!*** Alright, bitches. To set the record straight and stop the rumor mill this post started in my little hicktown of a city, as well as take off some not-needed grief to other good friends of mine, I’ve talked to MissTease and she’s agreed to disclose her full name and the like. Her name is María Camargo, 22, studying Business Administration and Finance first at the Ulacex, now currently in Argentina for a vacation with her girlfriends. She’s a brunette, her hair’s a cute Anne Heche type of short, big expressive eyes and an SPECTACULAR ass. Her ex-boyfriend’s one Eric something or other. We don’t talk anymore because he’s a dick who likes to be the center of the universe and is childish, to boot. Current one? I don’t know, and I don’t care. Now that THAT is settled, compromising the identity of someone more dear to me than any of the people orchestrating this rumor mill OR the people indirectly involved in it, back the fuck off and leave my poor friends alone. ***SPOILER ALERT***)

The fact that I had to actually put that is fucking ridiculous and it totally trumps this whole operation, but I was somewhat expecting this to happen sooner or later. As I’ve said many a time before in the short month we’ve been together, Panama is small. And not just that, but Panama is also a town where people talk. Most of it is shit, motivated by frustration, jealousy or just good ol’ fashioned spite. This is an attempt from the face of society I loathe to censor me, just so I can cover someone’s back… and in order to make peace and shoot the people making up rumors and spreading them like wildfire on the foot, I’ve had to compromize the identity of someone terribly important to me. The lesser of two evils? I suppose so, but that automatically makes her (MissTease, María, doesn’t matter now though, does it? Smarty pants) better than everyone involved in this juvenile bullshit, whether they’re in it indirectly or not. Am I pissed? Fucking mierda, God damn right I’m pissed.

That’s the inherent problem with Panama… as I’ve said before, this place is like a high school, and as such some people will go to ridiculously juvenile attempts to damage, hurt and destroy people, places, things or all of the above because of ill-conceived feelings they can’t even begin to comprehend, much less control. I don’t give a shit who’s using my blog posts to start rumors and the like; in fact, I think it’s funny because the names (or nicknames, rather) that I drop here are of people who, like me, have nothing to hide… not the people who called me tonight. In my 5 minutes of drowsy anger I’d like to say that it’s bad form of you all. Look, use this blog, interpret my posts, rants and articles any which way you want and spread them half-baked rumors; it helps me out, I like the numbers my chunk of Internet is generating because of your schoolyard antics. Hell, I think I could even start selling ad space if you keep it up. Get a laugh, or two or 10, but the next time some jackass comes in here and tries to look for stuff where there isn’t, I won’t be so dilligent in cleaning up the mess. READ: IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU, CHILDREN. If you people are men and women enough to admit you’ve made a terrible mistake, you’ll direct your cursor below to the comments section and beg my friend for an apology. She comes in here every day and reads the site whenever she wants to laugh at the crap I have to say, so she’ll read it. You should also give her Reese’s bite-sized candies… I take it she likes those as well.

So, bottom line, kids: grow up. I don’t want to play your games. I want to be a friend. Aren’t you a little old to be making shit up like that? Also, to the people who called and messaged me, no matter how laid back you might’ve sounded or not: the next time some jerkoff comes to you and uses my site to do any type of harm, just tell them the truth and say it’s not about you nor them because, and say this out loud, now children…. “Rob only plays with the big players.” “Censor,” my ass. I can’t believe I wasted a beer and sleeping time talking about this trash.

Anyway, I’m glad y’all are having fun with this, seriously. Glad to know that I’m not talking out of my ass either, when I say the things I say about the country I love yet hate so much. Rest assured this will be the last time I set aside the time to explain myself like I did just now, but I was asked by people who didn’t deserve the flack they could or would be getting. Y’all keep comin’ back now, y’hear?!

Share This