Deftones, Blank Ads and Cell Phone Cameras
Day 2 of my Carnival Diary still pending, I just wanted to come in here and rant a little; it’s a practice I’ve somehow put aside as of late and I’m slowly trying to get back into the groove. Without further adieu then, I want to talk to you about 3 things that marked this past weekend for me: Deftones, Blank Ads and Cell Phone Cameras. Comedy gold unfolds below!
DEFTONES: In case you didn’t know, Butterfest.net launched its 2007 concert season by doing a tribute gig to the Deftones, with the opening acts to make way for the tribute band, named “La Yegua Blanca” which would translate to “The White (female) Horse.” Porto Diao was sponsoring the gig as is now customary so several members were there (Kuma, Yamile, Jenny and myself, as well as the aforementioned Butter and BFTV crew) so show their support and trip out on their 90’s adolescence nostalgia. Out of the opening acts, Calavera sounds an awful lot like Rage Against the Machine so you know that’s a good thing. It was the first time I had heard of either them or their music, so it was a great way to start the evening. Next up was DKDE Flesh, which was also quite good. These guys I have heard before God knows where but I did recognize their sound, one of which I can’t really pinpoint but it was quite enjoyable. Next up was Sk, and I can see why the first thing I thought when I saw them up on stage was that they looked and sounded just like The Donnas; this 3-out-of-4-are-girls band might give off the Donnas vibe at first but if you sit and listen to them a little you’ll notice a distinct sound from what you’re used to. After these 3 acts (each one played around 4 songs or so, with 15 minute intervals between them. The organization unfolded with the precision of a Swiss watch) it was time for the Horsey to take the stage… and quite frankly, they burned the roof off.
Deftones and I go way back. Whenever I want to be angry in order to write angrily I put them on my playlist and it works like a charm every time. It’s that vibe of inconformity and insane power chords along with the rhythm changes comparable to the mood swings of an epileptic crack addict that really resonate with me, so much so that one of my favorite songs of all time comes from them. So, when they played “Digital Bath” I was up on the clouds. Everyone was on point and aside from some false starts by way of a nervous guitarist, the band genuinely seemed to be having as much fun as the crowd that formed in front of the stage to make way for the mosh pit. They played all of the greatest hits, around 14 songs one right after the other with crazy fury. It was great. It was glorious, even.
The other big deal Saturday night was the celebration of St. Patrick’s Day. The event is not as much about the holiday but as an excuse to drink ridiculous amounts of alcohol. Jenny and Lucho went, and Lucho came to the gig rather tipsy. Beads around his neck and a Lucky Charms hat made out of plastic on his head tilted to the side like the Planter’s aristocrat nut, the following conversation took place by the bar, where I was stationed with my posse:
Lucho (having difficulty focusing): Robert, I am somewhat hammered. And your shirt says “COCK” in the front.
Rob: You look pretty hammered, yes. And yes it does. It’s one of my favorite shirts.
Lucho: I know what you’re thinking.
Rob: what am I thinking?
Lucho: You want to get me drunk.
Rob: Do you want me to get you drunk?
Lucho: I want to get drunk!
Rob (taking it as a dare, after a long pause taken to assess the guy’s current un-sober state): You wanna get drunk? Hell, I’ll get you drunk.
Lucho (concerned): What are you doing?
Rob (after talking to the guy at the bar): You’re having a tequila shot.
Lucho: WHAT?!
Rob: You’re having a tequila shot!
Lucho (with the despair of a thousand virgins): No! No! Tequila and I don’t get along! No Rob, I’m not having a tequila shot!
Rob: Come here. You’re having the shot! Don’t be a pussy!!!
Lucho: But I am a pussy!
Rob: take the shot!!!
Kuma (while Lucho tries (and fails) to pour salt on his hand): So he’s a pussy?
Rob: I guess so. Considering I’m a cock and getting him drunk, I suppose that this means I’m figuratively trying to fuck him.
3 tequila shots with beer chasers and a steady flow of even more brew later, Lucho turned into a respectable drunk guy, slurring and all. He was chasing tail like he didn’t give a damn… I was so proud. The gig ended at around 1:30AM or so, like clockwork and even somewhat earlier than expected. This concert will be the first of many, so log on to Butterfest.net or the Porto Diao blog for updates and upcoming dates. The crew over at Net Distortion covered the event; both they and Butter have nifty pictures to boot so be sure to check it out!
ADS: If you live here in the city then you must have seen the ads that are on most billboards across the capital: Blank Magazine, some jet-set design and entertainment magazine thing that you can acquire for free in book stores and other places I don’t really know but I’m sure I frequent, started this surely-controversial ad campaign promoting their magazine. I saw some of the ads simply driving around and they’re definitely attention-grabbers, considering we live in a socially-retarded and highly catholic/Christian country… as you can see, they feature stereotypes hung on the cross. The campaign, entitled “Take A Walk On The BLANK Side,” is looking to break away from stereotypes by promoting individualism no matter what you do with your life. Now, I was gonna go with a whole different approach to these ads but then this morning I read a very assertive commentary on the by way of Lenin’s blog that shifted my focus. Lenin’s comments came from a series of articles one of the newspapers with the highest circulation on a national scale published, claiming that in order for someone to find happiness, love and all that jazz he or she should stick to finding someone with the same social (and, by proxy, economic) status. The theory says that the closer the couple’s individual social status is, then the happier they’ll be. Fuck, it’s this type of retarded train of thought that makes me want to punch babies. This sort of ill-informed, atrocious, fucking rude and downright incorrect notion is the sort of bullshit reaction you’d expect from a group of people who have no idea of what’s happening around them only to go up to the masses in order to tell them how they should live their lives as if they knew more than the feeble people they think listens to them. This is bullshit. Thinking about it makes both Lenin and I sick to our stomachs. Anyway, I haven’t read said articles but I’ll take his word for it when he points out how retarded the exercise is. As an answer to the discrimination articles like the ones in La Prensa project, Blank magazine now has these ads which I believe are truly fantastic, each one of them commenting on a prejudice that people have against others who choose to live outside the established form which, quite frankly, is rather dull and boring. You can see the philosophy behind each of the ads as well as the images themselves by visiting their site here. I believe the work speaks for itself. It’s very good to know that there are people who push the envelope to get their message across, specially if the message is one as important as freedom of speech and the freedom to be who we truly are as individuals.
CELL PHONE CAMERAS: Last night I went with Jenny, Butter and The Groupie to the movies to watch “Pathfinder.” It was rather meh, but I thought the production design was le cool… it surely pumped me up for “300,” coming to Panamanian theaters on March 30th. Anyway, we kinda part ways after the flick and I decide I wanted to eat something so Jenny tagged along as we hopped across the Multiplaza food court to the KFC for some chicken. So, the miss and I are talking about the random things we usually talk about when I hear a .wav of a snapshot right behind me. I instinctively turn around because that particular sound is rather startling and I see this guy toying with his camera phone, the camera pointing straight at me as the dude was buried into the phone menu. I didn’t think much of it mainly because his phone model was the same as my own, and I know for a fact that the frickin’ thing lags and I sometimes find myself taking an impromptu picture of my thigh, the floor or some discombobulated mess made up of what is mostly a big blur. I also know that no matter what phone profile you put the phone in, be it “Loud,” “Vibe & Ring” or “Silent,” when the camera mode is on and you take a snapshot that God-forsaken snapshot thing will sound off. If you’re on a stakeout and you had to take an undercover picture of whoever’s following you then consider yourself a sitting duck because that thing sounds so frickin’ loud even people in the theaters heard this guy’s phone take that accidental picture. So whatever, we keep talking and when it’s time for me to tell the clerk my order, I couldn’t help but notice that the guy with the phone kept snapping pictures, and they sounded awfully close.
KFC: Welcome to KFC. May I take your order?
Rob: Hello. I’d like a, umm… *snapshot!* combo number one.
KFC: Combo number 1, alright. What kind of soft drink would you like?
Rob: Root Beer.
KFC: Sorry, we don’t have Root Beer. We only have *snap!!!* Pepsi and 7Up.
Rob: Fuck. Pepsi, then. *snappers!*
KFC: French fries or mashed potatoes?
Rob: French fries.
KFC: Sorry, we don’t have french fries… would you like mashed potatoes instead?
Rob: I guess I do. *snappity snap!*
KFC: Alright then, that’ll be a number one combo with *snap* a Pepsi and mashed potatoes. Would you like a delicious biscuit for an extra 20 cents? *snap!*
Rob: I don’t think so, thanks.
KFC: Alright. It’s $3.99, sir. Thank you and enjoy your meal!
So by the time we get out of the line for me to get my order, I’m pretty certain that he’s not snapping pictures by accident; he’s probably just taking pictures of like, the ads or whatever. Maybe the guy really likes KFC, you know what I mean? Thing is that I hear the guy talking to the clerk telling him his order and the fucking snapshot sound keeps going off! So I use my awesome international man of mystery skills to look out of the corner of my eye to see what in the frickin’ hell was going on with this guy and his camera phone as I’m talking to miss Jennifer and by my stars and garters, I catch the guy in the act: Mr. Snapshot is facing the cash register, but his eyes are looking at the cell phone screen. The cell phone screen, and its camera lens, are pointed straight at me. The guy looked like when you want to take a picture of someone without that person finding out but that only results in you looking even more like a person that wants to take a picture he’s not supposed to, a.k.a an idiot. He looked like the total opposite of subtle. He looked like a parody. It’s as if I suddenly stepped into a comedy. For a second I thought he was taking pictures of Jenny ‘cuz hell, she’s bootylicious but I automatically blocked her from the camera’s field of vision just to make sure, and when I heard 2 more snapshots I realized that 1) he’s taking pictures of me and 2) in trying to figure out who he was taking pictures of, I accidentally gave him an excellent view of my ass. As soon as I grabbed my bag of food I tell Jen in my loudspeaker voice: “let’s get outta here cuz that guy is taking too many pictures of me.” Adding insult to injury, Jen looked over my shoulder to catch the guy and started laughing like a hyena.
So I’m either a celebrity or some random dude found me worthy of picture-taking. Either way, judging from the frequency of the snapshots it is safe to assume that this sir jerked off repeatedly to some shitty pictures of me while I ordered some day-old chicken. I believe I’m not very comfortable with that concept, but to each his own. If you see my head attached to the body of some guy with washboard abs and a 14 inch cock fucking a goat on a yacht, then please send it to me so I can post it.
I’m going to this Wednesday’s Beers & Blogs… are you?
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