Have you ever believed in forces beyond your reach that make up the world, bind it and make it work? Maybe I’m not explaining myself well, but I’ll try my best to be clear regarding my theory on all of this. Mind you, I have never written about (much less talked about) this so the concept might be a little new, even to me. It’s always been on the back of my mind, these “rules” or ways the world, or namely my world works and one of those rules relies heavily on luck. I’m not fanatical, yet I’m not a skeptic, either. I just believe in leaving some things alone and letting them work on their own, dealing with how it might affect me at any given point; an example of this is the concept of “the bad day.” Apparently this happens to a lot of people, so if you do go through this please corroborate: I find it a pattern that even though I have generally really good days where I always come up with something that’ll make the day enjoyable and salvageable but there will always be one day, one day, where NOTHING will go the way you want it to go. It all pours down on you, as if to counter-balance all of the good days you’ve been having… yes, it’s all about balance. I see that for every 30 days or so of generally great luck I must have one really shitty day. Two, even… I never thought much about it, instead letting the “system” do what it must leaving me to do nothing more other than sailing through the shady weather but recently I found a name I could give these nausea-inducing times that come with the same fury and intensity as (so I’ve been told) the menstrual cycle… ever since I realized the similarities and found an angle I could relate to the phrase, I decided to call these monthly balancing acts “Demon Days.”

What constitutes a “bad day?” The concept is such a gray area, measured only by the subjectiveness of the individual. It could be so many things, yet the defining thread most commonly seen in all cases is the feeling of frustration, despair and downright desire to break something. Some people are defeatists by default, and they are all the proof I need to be sure about how there are things beyond your control that affect your life. Of course, there’s always a ying to the yang, meaning that for every defeatist there’s always an optimist and in most cases, if given the disposition to help each other out it all works for the best but defeatists by themselves, pessimists, are a very dangerous group to be with. My father is the type who whenever something bad happens to him (and I mean anything) he’ll curse, bang and downright secrete negative vibrations all around him. It’s somewhat scary, quite frankly… and for someone who doesn’t think childish behavior is cute, in this particular case it’s a little disconcerting. The “of course it had to happen to me” approach is one that I’ve seen my father hang on to ever since I’ve known him, and somehow he still hasn’t seen that the approach isn’t really working in making things better for him. As a result, his blood pressure is sky-high, he has wieght problems, sports the sexy “Homer Simpson” hairstyle and, in what’s most certainly the most particular factor for me, is that sometimes it feels like the air is heavier when I’m around him. I feel the negativity trying to break in through my pores. He’s irrational, egotistical and degrades to a child whenever he’s having his Demon Days (which apparently occur more often than with me) and since I have a natural radar to avoid negativity I find myself being upset at him for being that way and I’ll go on for days responding monosyllabically to whatever he says, which in many ways is the result of me being taken over by his negativity since I don’t want to speak to him because of his attitude. He’s the only person that could get a quick rise out of me, and that fact annoys the very fibers of my being.

I know that usually a Demon Day for me has something to do with my family. They’re a wild bunch, and ironic in the sense that for a group of people who like to be independent they sure as hell call me on it since I take that concept up a notch. Naturally this causes problems, which results in a bad mood, which results in lack of clarity of vision. Clarity of vision… another factor that’s not present whenever people have bad days. Personally, I loose focus whenever I’m in a bad mood; seeing the forest for the trees is nowhere near my reasoning when I’m upset, any why would I? I’m too busy being upset and feeling miserable to care about anything else, and since I’m so conceited in that regard (as is most people when they’re feeling sorry for themselves and upset about it) I do things to suit my own needs, instead of thinking about the greater good and how my actions could affect other people. Egotistical. Hypocritical. Angry. Beware, Luke… you’re being seduced by the dark side of the Force.

In the end, I guess it all comes down to communication and the willingness to go through the crap to compromise and make things better for both yourself and the people around you. Yet, some people are such children that they don’t realize the damage they’re doing by being upset and staying that way, being pessimistic, looking for whatever excuse to be mad, be it about a person, place, thing or life in general. Walking the gray area allows you to see thing inside other people for the way they are, which are usually black and white. That said, some people are such children… ironically, a lot of them are grown men who should know better than to hold grudges; I mean, aren’t they a little old to be upset about silly things? Hell, I’m two years into my twenties and I hold less of a grudge than most 40 - 50 year-olds I know! Pathetic and unfortunate, since all it creates is for me (and anyone with a common sense as to avoid negative elements) to distance myself. But I guess I understand the need to fill up your life with drama. Maybe it’s jealousy, maybe it’s just the intent to fill a void, have something to do, perhaps… who the hell knows? People never cease to surprise me. We’re so embedded into fulfilling our own needs that half the time we don’t take others into consideration. Relationships, partnerships, family… be it two people, three, four of fifteen, it seems that the willingness to compromise is a foreign concept to most. Instead we go on with hypocrisy, assumptions, bitterness, no communication and downright negativity… no wonder the world is the way it is now.

There I go, being negative again.

In any case I find that the solution to most of my problems is communication. Tell it like it is, no matter what is thought as an end result, and no matter what the recipient is going to do with the information. Personally, the small defeatist part of me lets me thinks that I should be prepared for the worst: Any thing that I want to keep a secret will eventually come out, whatever project I want to do will eventually see bumps in the road and even fail to materialize and so on and so forth. I’ve thought about how this way of thinking might affect my endeavors, but then again whenever shit goes under and someone sends me to hell for whatever reason I’m not entirely surprised as to why, since my M.O is usually being free, honest in what I think and feel and basically do whatever I want as long as it doesn’t affect other people too much… the problem is, and it’s what I believe puts me into the same bandwagon as pessimists sometimes, is that no matter how clear-cut and transparent I am about things there will always be someone at the other side misinterpreting and making their own conclusions without talking about it. I believe that if you have a problem with someone or something, the best thing to do is to tackle it head-on. If I don’t feel inclined to do something about any given problem, then it’s not a problem to begin with; in the same way, if someone has a problem with me I trust in their willingness to be up front about it before it escalates to a clusterfuck mess… the problem I see with this is that usually people wait for a problem to become a clusterfuck mess before doing something about it… and problems cause grief. They cause negativity. Problems… they only cause more problems.

As you can see, merely talking about it can cause a negative effect on a person; it’s one of the reasons why I never touch the subject to begin with. It only causes ridicule by parties who feel the articles talk about them but in reality only see themselves reflected in them, kind of like when you see someone who’s overtly into macho things. Someone who’s that into “being a man” quite probably wants a man to be in them. And just like any byproduct of anger I don’t quite see the point in writing this article. I suppose it’s more of a rant, perhaps the end result of a shitty weekend or an excuse to vent and write about some things that have been bothering me because if there’s ONE thing that anger does for you is to push out problems so you can see them crystal clear, letting you tackle them that much more easily.

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