I’ve had Panama Tourist Guide articles fighting with me to get posted but I haven’t sat down and done them because of time constraints and today is no different; I’m sorry to disappoint, but hopefully this will give you a laugh… alright, have you ever stumbled into porn site reviews? I didn’t know they existed until I took this particular copywriting job but there are people who get paid for reviewing websites with all the seriousness a journalist would have when it was time to review a book, an album a movie or whatever. We’re talking about porn, though; unless you’re Playboy, you’re most likely not going to take any of it seriously since, I mean… how am I supposed to give an honest, down to earth review of a site like SheMale-Club.com? Unless I’m a freak. And I’m not, at least not with my porn. Anyway, recently I’ve gotten a gig posing as a guy who’s been reviewing porn sites for quite some time and that, in and of itself, takes all the charm away from the whole review thing… I’ve been given a pretty substantial amount of sites both new and old, familiar and not, and I’m supposed to talk about their quality, navigation, features, etc. with no budget whatsoever so I’m stuck reviewing the tour sections without getting to the goods. Whatever, if there’s something I can do well is spin a story so that’s not the problem. Thing is that I was asked to pimp certain sites more than others, sometimes being blatantly told to give them a positive review, no matter what.

That’s what you get when you go online, people… a lot of the time, it’s all bullshit. So, as a service to my fellow man, I’ve decided to post some of these “reviews” up for your reading pleasure. This is all me, mind you; I’m not a hack, but it’s the principle that still bothers me. Enjoy:

7 ATKINGDOM.com

 

First impression

How many locks and hoops does a fucker like me have to go through to get to this site? I guess their concern for preventing kids from entering the site is noble but Jesus Christ, give it a rest already… it’s hard enough to type with one hand as it is, and I’m not gonna be the guy who jerks off at the entrance page. No way in hell.

My Opinion

After passing the security locks I’m met with a whole lot of booty. The interface is straightforward, telling you everything you need to know and showing you the girls as soon as you waltz in. If you want a quick fix I suggest you scroll all the way down where you’ll see a link to their free site; they’re not kidding, and even though there’s not truckloads of content, the one that’s up works brilliantly, posting hot naked CoEd’s of the week and leaving the ones in previous weeks available just for you, daddy.

 

They have A LOT of girls of all shapes and sizes in all kinds of different scenarios and right on the front page they have preview pics of all of them… click on the images of the girls to the sides so you can get a closer look. In what I suppose is an attempt to suck their own dicks the site has a bunch of testimonials posted from happy customers and if I gave a shit I’d read them… but I’m here to fuck.

 

They have both Softcore and Hardcore categories of both pics and video in different formats (avi, ram, wav, mov… you name it, they have it), each with their own subcategories with various topics and fetishes; I’m sure you’ll find what you’re looking for here. As for payment they have the standard $29.95-a-month schtick as well as a 2 month ($49.99) and 3 month ($64.99) deal. When you click on the 99 cent a day, 1 year package though, you’re transported to a sub-domain of theirs dubbed “The Galleria.” This part of the site is much more presentable than the former; it’s a shame I didn’t see this one first!

 

Conclusion

The package is certainly attractive, and so are the girls. Having a lot of free content is awesome for people like me, and there seems to be a lot to explore… lots of pussy to catch. Being able to pay via credit card, check or over the phone is great, and if what they say about their servers is true you’ll get your hot XXX content fast and ready to fuck!

 

Content quality: 15/20

Content amount: 15/15

Updates: 10/20

Navigation: 6/10

Speed: 12/20

Price vs. content: 6/10

Extras: 2/5

 

Total score: 66/100

8 FTVGirls.com:

 

First impression:

There are so many hot chicks here… this place reeks of an artsy-smartsy site, though. These are tricky; no fucking, but the girls are so fucking hot that you simply forget about the lack of intercourse in this particular brand of porn. The girls are so fucking hot, though… I think I’m going to stick around, see the sites and what not.

 

My Opinion:

“FTV” stands for “First Time Video,” and for a site with “video” in its URL I can’t place any to download in their front page, seeing that there’s no tour area to be found. These guys are smart: They rotate the girls, all of them hot as a summer day, and when you click on the vast amount of magazine covers they’ve posted they’ll tease you with the story behind the cover shoot below the conveniently-placed “join now” button. In fact, most roads lead to that dead end and it’s a shame because it’s these types of sites that have the hottest girls on Earth and they know it… hell, I’m even thinking about joining the site.

 

Speaking of joining, CCBill handles the financial duties and gives you two options when it comes to payment: the credit card or online check. They have convenient packages, from the standard $29.95 a month fee to a more substantial 5-month fee of $99.95, as well as the awesome trial package, 7 days for $6.95. That gives you plenty of time to download as much content as you can…

 

They also have a Contact/FAQ section that’s worth mentioning since their customer support link is in there. They also have their mission statement and even contact instructions if you’re a hot babe looking to pose for their magazine. Other sections include the Super Pics section which is pretty much their showroom for the ridiculous size their images are (a whopping 2,000×3,000 px) but there’s not much preview images in order for me to keep my interest in the explanation. Finally, they have a link to their video purchase site, and at $34.95 per DVD I think I’m going to steer clear out of this one…

 

Conclusion

The models are amongst the hottest I’ve ever seen and I can tell from the handful of screenshots on the site that they masturbate and play with each other… that’s awesome! But I wish I would’ve been able to see some of it, a clip or whatever. You know what this site is? A big, naked cocktease.

 

Content quality: 19/20

Content amount: 8/15

Updates: 10/20

Navigation: 9/10

Speed: 17/20

Price vs. content: 6/10

Extras: 1/5

 

Total score: 70/100

 

9 Abbywinters.com:

 

First Impression

Australian girls? I dated an Australian girl once. She’d do this thing with her tongue as she sucked my cock that I haven’t been able to teach my other girlfriends since. God, was she awesome. Australian babes are good in my book, and they certainly look amateurish so maybe this site isn’t bullshitting about their amateur nudes.

 

My Opinion

Right off the bat you can tells that the girls are %100 real and they’re in front of the camera for the first time. This stuff’s great, because they really do look like people that could very well live right next door to you and that’s part of the appeal… these babes are fuckable, and there’s a chance you might even run into them someday! Wow, that’s hot! They have a tour page that’s very comprehensive and has plenty of preview material showcasing the pretty girls are they pose, play outdoors and fuck each other like horny sluts…

 

The tour pages talk about everything, breaking down the site so that you know exactly where to go when you join. There’s no dick here: all girls, all the time. They update daily with new models coming in every week so you’ll never be short of fresh content; there’s also a discussion board where you can talk to both fellow customers and the actual models in order to create that sense of community that not many sites have. You have 3 different “tiers” of content which break it all down, starting from simple artistic posing to full out lesbian sex.

 

They offer many payment packages but if you really feel like sticking around for at least the month I suggest you pay for the Gold membership; you’re granted access to all of the sections and if you get tired you can just cancel the membership. Of course, the “popular” package is more attractive since they give you 2 extra months for only $15 bucks more and they grant you access to everything as well. In retrospect, $45 bucks for hundreds of girls and gigabytes worth of pics and video is not a bad deal at all, specially if you’re granted full access for 3 full months.

 

Conclusion

If you’re looking for the “girls next door” this is the right place! The girls in AbbyWinters.com are hot and 100% real; in their tour page they state, among other things, that most of the girls are totally natural, their bodies haven’t been tampered with; they also say that the shoots posted of the girls are frequently their first times ever getting naked pictures of themselves and it’s evident in the content… it’s definitely a good thing!

 

Content quality: 19/20

Content amount: 15/15

Updates: 15/20

Navigation: 6/10

Speed: 12/20

Price vs. content: 9/10

Extras: 2/5

 

Total score: 78/100

 

10 Hegre-Art.com

 

First Impression:

Oh, God. This site is my greatest weakness in all of porndom; it’s an artsy site like FTVGirls.com or whatever but this one, I don’t know what it does but it’s one of the most popular nude picture sites on the Internet and for good reason! The girls in this site are simply out of this world… the photographer sure as hell knows how to take pictures of the naked body but when you have models like the ones shown on the site my cock grows so large it tips satellites orbiting the earth out of orbit. Dammit, man! Haven’t you heard of LUBA yet?! She’s the reason alone why you should be all over this site RIGHT NOW.

 

My Opinion

I don’t know how Hegre-Art.com does it. I seriously don’t; in terms of site structure and even navigation the page is no different than the other artsy nude sites I’ve reviewed but somehow I’ll rate this one much higher. I believe it’s because of the photographer… this Hagre guy can sure as hell shoot a naked girl with a camera. The babes in the site are stunning… practically perfect! They’re mostly European (with names like Oksanna, Yanna, and Ekaterina it was somewhat of an easy guess) and they’re all perfect…they look so innocent, yet they look like they could take you for a spin and suck your soul through their vaginas… it’s excellent, and this cock-teasing adds to my desire to join and cum all over these bitches. They post the covers to their publications with their models, all of them naked and in poses so suggestive my balls vibrate uncontrollably every time I think about said pictures.

 

They have films, over 1,000 photo sets, erotic stories and much more from girls all over the globe, posing solo or in groups and doing things so ordinary yet so erotic like taking a bath, doing ballet, getting a tan… I could go on and on here. This is also where the Luba phenomena started. Who’s Luba, you ask? Well, along with stuff such as the Crazy German Kid, MySpace, and “Snakes on a Plane,” Luba’s been making the rounds all over the Internet being labeled as “the perfect body” and I wholeheartedly agree. This babe is amazing, she’s like an angel… a naked angel that likes to fuck!

 

Conclusion

They have 4 payment packages for you to consider, the least expensive being $29.95 for a 1-month membership and the most expensive being $150 for a full year. The layout’s great, and even though there’s a lack of free content despite the abundance of covers with the naked models the site serves its purpose of making me horny as hell so I make up my mind about getting a membership and that, my friends, is a real accomplishment.

 

Content quality: 20/20

Content amount: 12/15

Updates: 17/20

Navigation: 8/10

Speed: 17/20

Price vs. content: 9/10

Extras: 4/5

 

Total score: 88/100

4 HighDefCumSwap

 

First Impression

Wow. There’s so much detail in the pictures that it’s almost uncomfortable to watch. Kind of like the girls are looking at you through a window while they’re sucking those High Def nuts dry. If that was the effect intended, then congratulations… you have succeeded.

 

My Opinion

The premise of the site is exactly as advertised in its URL: hot babes suck massive dicks long and hard until it busts a nut all over their faces, only to watch them as they scoop up the goop and play with it in their mouths, kissing each other and rubbing it all over their sweaty, horny bodies. This site’s kinky and I love it! They aren’t kidding with the “High Def” part of their site’s name either as it’s clearly evident upon entering the site: both the pictures and the sample videos are crisp and pristine and give the illusion that they’re showing you a lot for free when what they’re doing is tease you long enough so you can sign up.

 

They do a side-by-side comparison of regular video vs. high def video and I must say I’m thoroughly impressed by the new technology. Compared to the regular one, high def video is the Sirius to regular video’s AM radio. The video quality is crisp and clear, and the download times are bearable considering what you’re getting (high definition video puts a heavy burden on your hard drive so choose responsibly!).

 

When it’s time to fork it out for your membership, they give you many options of payment which is something you rarely see in most porn sites; instead of going to a company like CCBill to handle your processing information you can choose to join by check. They have comprehensive instructions once you click the special link below the membership options and that, by the way, is something else I wanted to address. The price for a 1-Month membership might be a little steep ($39.95) but they also give you a very interesting “$1 a day for 30 days” option that amounts to $30 per month if you choose to run with it… if not, then just cancel your membership say, after a day or 2 or 3, there’s no consequence. That I find very appealing to folks on a tight budget.

 

Conclusion

Hot babes swapping High Def cum sounds like a great idea. Just be prepared by having a lot of bandwidth to spend because you’ll need the juice if you want to enjoy the site at full capacity. The sacrifice is worth it though, and the convenient payment plans also make your stay a lot more enjoyable. If you’re a tech freak that wants the best money can buy on all things under the sun (including porn), this HD XXX site is for you.

 

Content quality: 16/20

Content amount: 10/15

Updates: 10/20

Navigation: 8/10

Speed: 12/20

Price vs. content: 8/10

Extras: 2/5

 

Total score: 66/100

Tags: adult, Articles, blog, hegre art, hot girls, how to guide, luba, luba shumeyko, naked girls, NSFW, rants, reviews

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