Matter of Choice
Seeing as how this project is working like a charm, In just shy of the 3-month mark I’ve gotten my second misunderstanding as a byproduct of the site’s endeavors. So, I wrote a piece about copycats on Saturday and this time around, El Bear had something to say about it. At least this time the person distraught with the misunderstanding had the common decency to go straight to the source, just like I’d expect from my friend. But seriously, the comment had me thinking about a couple of things that don’t really have much to do with one another yet the comment posted on Saturday cemented itself as the connecting thread. Let’s start with this one: Why does everyone think it’s always about them?
Hell, my ego is huge. If you hang out around me for long enough you’ll notice that a lot of stuff slides down my back and I’ll call you on your shit without restraint, and in order for me to do that I need to have this awesome tool. Tell me the world doesn’t revolve around me makes me laugh for two reasons: first, the last time someone told me that, I was 17 and she was 16, I was naked and in a real predicament concerning my tighty whiteys (I’ve since moved on to boxers since my ego made my balls grow as well and the Hanes were constricting, y’see) being thrown out a 7-story window. Second, This is my chunk of the Internet. The URL on your browser has my name on it. I rule this kilobyte land. I can say, do and put whatever I feel like, and one of the reasons why I started this was because I could use this forum to write about my views of the world, my thoughts, my works, and everything related to me. That’s why my name’s up there. Me, me, me, bitches. It just so happens that all of the articles and rants and thoughts I post here, I do so in order to spark discussion… in fact, that’s what I think blogs kind of do, don’t you think? You secure a space of your own, make it yours with your own sensibilities and the like and then you want people who read you to comment on it and spark discussion. I love it when I piss someone off, because it’ll spark said discussions… I love it when people comment, and I love to communicate, hear and be heard and in those feelings lie what my next point is about… the seeking of attention.
Every single blogger on the Internet, far and wide, big or small, seeks attention. It’s embedded in every human being, the need to be heard and appreciated and accepted: societies thrive in this concept. I like attention, even though I’m not particularly good at handling because of my own self-restraint; to deny it is, I believe, ridiculous. Specially if you’re Panamanian! Look, let’s face it: if you go to a club you will either sit and watch the hordes of overdressed people go to these clubs to stand around and mingle and dance intermittently, or you will be one of these people. That said, when the Internet magazine cameras and TV shows come around flashing their MINI-DV lenses at you you’ll strike your hottest pose and try to be in the camera as subtly as you can, because you don’t want to look like you want to be in the camera even though you want to. Most of the time the reaction to video cameras is very polarized; either you really want to be in it or you really don’t. With digital cameras it’s different because you have a say-so in the final product… the “photographer” will take your picture (mostly it will be of women… sorry guys) and then he will show the preview of the pic to said girls and they will either approve or want a do-over. What the hell, brother? Ahh, that’s right. The whole reason these sites exist (and why I believe is good business) is because people love to see themselves. They like to project the best image of themselves and that’s a totally healthy thing… it doesn’t hurt to be vain. Every time I go to the beach I take like a gazillion pictures of myself in various beach backgrounds… why’s that? Because I want a cool MSN messenger display picture and recently, cool header images for the site. Building your image for the viewing public you have to go out to day in and day out every time you walk out of the house? For better or worse, you’re in this game too. Let that sink in for a minute. Conceited? Blogs are very conceited acts.
People choose to smoke, drink, fuck, get pierced, tattooed, go to college, not go to college, work, knock someone up, marry her, divorce her, get back with her after realizing their mistake and most importantly, they choose it all by themselves, be it good or bad. What about the motivations? Ahh, this is glorious. Here goes: There are people who want attention and then there are people who garner attention all by themselves. Yes, people make their choices all on their own but what’s behind them? People decide to go with the flow all by themselves… just as they choose to go against it, but why? Do the people who decide to go with the flow do so because that’s what everyone likes, and do the people who go against it do so because they don’t want to be a part of what’s popular? Is it right, is it wrong? Who cares, every person’s a planet and they’re entitled to whatever they want. Their worlds revolve around them, after all. I read a story once about three friends who were practically inseparable in school… we’ll call them Tim, John, and Mike. This trinity would go everywhere together and they would, at first glance, share the same interests. Mike always had a very hospitable abode so the three friends would always go to his house and hang out and just be kids… the years would pass by and whenever there was schoolwork, Mike’s place was the place to go since he had books and utensils and everything else that other kids didn’t have, so Tim and John would now also go to Mike’s house and do their schoolwork. They were great friends. Puberty hit, and Mike started to have an itch to be popular as most kids that age want to be and as soon as other people in his class started finding out about the awesomeness of Mike’s house the trinity of friends slowly but surely expanded to include other members… at first Tim and John saw why these other people would be invited to their “clubhouse” since they were cool people… but as Mike’s popularity grew more and more people would go to his house until one good day Mike didn’t even hint Tim and John to pass by the house. One afternoon John was with his mom and he wondered what his friend Mike was doing so he asked her if he could be dropped off at Mike’s house in order to say hi and hang out like they always have. He rang the doorbell and was let in, but to his surprise he saw his entire class there, except for Tim and himself. Mike had called all of the other kids over, except for his real friends.
John left the house furious, unable to understand why Mike would do something like that.. he talked to Tim about it, and their mutual feeling was that of betrayal. Their friend dumped them because he wanted attention of a different kind, so much so that he invited people he didn’t even know that well in order for them to use up his resources and say he’s the coolest shit in the world, trading friendship for it. Things were never the same between the trinity again. They continued to be friends but Tim and John learned a valuable lesson about both Mike and life that day: not everyone that is with you is because they want to be with you. They felt used, and I bet that they feel that way to this day.
Copycatting is emulation, which in itself is a cry for attention since the reasons why you emulate your source is because you believe your source is worthy of following and that’s fine and dandy: ever since I heard the story about Mike, though… it just reeks of Gerber and is bad all around. The thing about dismissing people like these is, and that when things get complicated… trailing back to El Bear’s unjustified lash-out which I attribute to how some of my friends believe that because it reads like something they identify with it’s automatically with them, totally ignoring the fact my notoriety of jumping in different circles, each with their own problems that make these claims ridiculous and downright funny… I get upset when people ask me to take off certain lines, paragraphs or even blog posts. That’s a whole different ball game, and nobody’s going to put a gag in my mouth just because they’re scared of who’s going to read my stuff. It’s flattering, of course, but fucking mierda if it ain’t annoying as well. It’s not the first time someone’s had a knee-jerk reaction to something they read, and it won’t be the last that I fall victim of it. In the end what I suggest both you and I do is laugh about it, ‘cuz really… taking a blog post that’s not about you a little too personally is a little funny. People will look up to other people. People will make choices, and no matter where the reasons come from the choice is theirs to make, and the only way to teach assholes who want attention and want to prove things to other people is, just like a good friend told me recently, to give them a taste of their own medicine.
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