I leave the car to my dad in the mornings since he lives the active lifestyle of what I can only assume is vigilantilism due to how chaotic and sporadic his schedule seems to be, while I’m stuck in an office building with shitty pay days and dirty A/C system. The car would otherwise be parked all day so I figured that my dad might as well give the wheels some legwork while I’m here writing for my daily bread. I’ve certainly talked about how being in the passenger’s seat with my father as a driver can be an excrutiatingly stressful experience but I’ve never quite sunk into the whole ordeal… there are a lot of factors that make this commute particularly noteworthy, and come to think of it, if I wasn’t so drowsy and objective-based either in the mornings when I go to work or in the afternoons when I get out, the times my father and I share the car’s physical space, I think I’d find his hijinks funny and even up my alley but since I usually just want to get to the office on time and go home early, shutting my brain down and inevitably tuning out of everything anyone might have to say to me, when he starts off on his world-famous rants then I can’t help but be absored by the negativity they’re powered by.

This morning, in an unprescedented move, I was putting on socks before putting on my shoes while I heard the anchorman tell me about how now in Panama beer is cheaper than milk. I let out a chuckle. Apparently for a cardboard box of milk you’d be set back 70 cents while you can get the same amount of beer (a bottle, I suppose) for 35 cents. This, ladies and gentlement… is Panama in a nutshell: A place where our beer is cheaper than our milk. As always we were running late so I called my dad out from his batcave and sure enough we stormed out… Now, my dad’s a storyteller without knowing it. He loves to talk, and he loves having your attention; if you don’t stop him he’ll go on for hours and hours. And just like me, this brilliant sir has a penchant for complaining; we hop on the car and, since he doesn’t listen to music, he prefers to listen to the political talk shows where a bunch of lawyers, activists and other village idiots sit around on a table and complain at both each other and the television/radio audience. The topic that’s hot right now and has been so for the past few weeks is, of course, the Panama Canal expansion. Personally, I don’t see what else there is to talk that hasn’t been discussed already and today’s show is more evidence of it. Personally, I think that most people have made up their minds already, for better or worse: case in point, my dear old dad.

Radio: We’re in a point in time where we all want the Panama Canal to be the best that it can be, but the government needs to clarify a few things: first of all, there are many people who have come to the voting council to pronounce themselves and their vote for “yes” to the Panama Canal expansion, but they do so just so they can “sign up to wherever the have to for the job I’m gonna get if I vote ‘yes.’” People, you have to understand that voting “yes” doesn’t mean you’re going to get a job with the project. This vote is a civic duty, no different than electing your political representatives every 4 years come elections. People are misinformed, and I believe that that the ACP (Panama Canal Comission) should do a better job at explaining he fine print, even though they never said anything about giving people jobs more than they did the promise of them being available.

Robert (Dad): The government is fool of crooks, Robert! (Pointing to the radio) Mention it! Mention it! Of course they can’t guarantee jobs for the workers but that’s because all of this vote is so that we say “yes” to them stealing all of our money… that’s why I’m voting “NO” and screwing them over, because I’m not gonna let Martin (Torrijos, the president) and the rest of those snakes get away with such a inconsiderate, atrocious act! Robert, do you really think there will be jobs for all of them? Y’think Martin and his crooks will give people a chance to work for the ACP?

Rob (son): I don’t see why not.

Robert (Dad): You’re wrong! All they want to do is steal the money! That guy is getting in meeting with that killer, President Bush, that major league crook, and you’re telling me that his sole purpose for getting the green light for the project is to steal money? It’s 5 BILLION DOLLARS at stake!!! What costs 5 BILLION DOLLARS in this country? We’re all poor and broke and you’re telling me that the government will take the money we worked for and dump it for the “Panama Canal Expansion,” as excuse for the crooked politicians to get a ton of money at our expense? Please!!!

Rob (son): But the money’s coming from the ACP’s funds.

Robert (Dad): LIES. You’ve seen how the government operates… Martin’s a failure, a boob and an idiot, a crook just like the rest of them. And he’s managed to brainwash so many people, including your mom, into hading him the country so he and his cronies can steal it all! Do you really think that the INADEH (a special technical institute sanctioned by the government. It is now taking applications so that people can learn the stuff they need in order to score a job in the project) cares about who comes in and signs up to their courses, Robert? Robert! They’re all crooks! Look, I have no problem with the project itself but they’re all liars… Remember, the legislature passed a bill a couple of weeks ago that changed the purpose of this vote to begin with!

Rob (son): …

Robert (Dad): Robert…

Rob (son): Uh-huh…?

Robert (Dad): The legislature, those crooks, changed the purpose of the vote. Before, we were voting in order to approve the proposal that’s in place now and go with that… but now what we’re going to be voting on is to approve the contract that will allow them to start the expansion no matter what proposal they end up using; they can change the proposal to whatever they want after this! Robert, what the hell is that? It’s as if when you bought this car the dealer would’ve told you that you’re going to get a Chevy Spark, red in automatic just like this one, you two get to an agreement of the transaction and you sign the contract… and then after agreeing to that the dealer decides to give you a blue motorbike because you gave him the veto to change the contract to whatever he wanted. If we vote “yes,” we’re letting them do whatever they want with the Panama Canal!!! It’s unbelievable, and I can’t allow that to happen. They’re all crooks and they’re going to burn in hell for it!!!
Rob (son): Uh-huh…

Robert (Dad): Vote “no.”

Radio: … and the way that the CSS (the country’s social security conglomerate/chain of hospitals) is administered should be seriously revised. the Law that was passed had nothing to do with the way social security is administered… it can’t be that people with serious illnesses have to wait on the hall for hours, dying, until a doctor comes along to attend them! There are no medicines, the doctors themselves don’t care and even still they asked for raises? Unbelievable. The administration should be voted out if possible…

I have to deal with these rants all morning while on my way to the office and all the way back when all I want to do is go home. Seriously. The worst times to talk to me are either when I’m on my way to work or on my way home from there. My father either doesn’t know this, or doesn’t care. On top of that, being the only guy that can do what I do, as far as the workplace is concerned, as well as I do it only gets me more attention I don’t want, people ranting and complaining and asking for stuff that quite frankly, when I think about it, is probably the reason why I’m so eager to go home once I get out of the building. It’s very rare nowadays that I get dropped off by someone else other than him (my mom is both the same as him and different, which is eerie and also slightly ironic. Like polar opposites but both tuned in at the same wavelenght) so I long for Saturdays, days where I can wake up and do my daily drive to the office alone and in peace. Writers are solitary beings by nature, and believe me that lately I cherish my time alone as much as I can. I can’t wait until my vacations roll in next week. I’ll finally be able to slow down!

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