Rob-Rivera.com

Oh, Sweet and Silly Panama.

Wanna talk about culture shock? Let’s talk about culture shock. Even though I’ve lived in Panama practically all my life there are still things that manage to blow my mind… case in point, the people. I don’t know what it is that possesses them to do the things they do, but yet there they are, going into the supermarket in high heels and shiny-shit tops at 11:30 P.M on a sunday night. Wait, what? You’re not following, true believer? Allow me to elaborate.

Those who are reading this and live in the country could either corroborate or shoot me down with this, but women (and in many cases, men as well) love having drama in their lives. I don’t know what it’s like in other countries but from my personal experience with Argentinians, Americans, Hondurans, Salvadorians, Mexicans and Canadians I’ve come to the conclusion that Panamenian women are the most self-complicating to a borderline ridiculous degree. I’ve been lucky that my friends are down to earth and don’t apply to this so I know that it’s not a totalitarian train of thought but both men and women here should be filmed for National Geographic because it’d make a great case study.

Panamanians don’t mingle. We always travel in packs and rarely branch out; those who do are frowned upon and labeled as crazy… so if you’re at a bar or club or party or whatever and there’s a girl or boy you like that you want to meet, I know first hand that if I go to this girl to meet her, she’ll look at me like I’ve got herpes on the lip. If she’s with her posse, getting to talk to her is practically impossible; they automatically point you out as a psycho and promptly brush you off, independently from the girl actually liking you or not. And ladies, I’ll tell you this right now: walk up to a guy you like and talk to him and what you’re gonna give is the impression that you’re easy… for some God-forsaken reason. Men are not used to women coming on to them AT ALL. Also, for Panamanians, foreigners are crazy. This I find very ironic though, because to me the problem is not foreigners being crazy… it’s us Panamanians who are socially retarded. I was reading an article on the subject in this week’s â��Weekndâ�� magazine talking about just that; this girl made a bet with her girlfriend to see who could meet the most new people. They did alright, but she mentioned how tough it was to break the â��groundâ�� or wall friends make and talk to your target… and this is coming from a woman. Now, imagine what it’s like for a guy! If you as around enough you’ll see that every friend of yours with a significant other was â��a friend of a friend.â�� There HAS to be some type of association between the two people to hook up, and personally I think that’s fucking ridiculous. This is more ridiculous than getting pissed over your ex humping your friend’s leg. I know the country’s small, but fuck! I’ve been guilty of doing this, though… hooking up with someone by association, and even though it’s a little easier it kind of takes the fun out of the whole deal, methinks. Yet, whether your mom or your best friend introduced you to your significant other or if you got lucky and met him or her at a bar with no affiliations between the two whatsoever, that doesn’t take away the â��crazy ridiculousâ�� factor over some people’s behavior.

There’s a very popular movie theater in the city, it’s been around since I was in high school and for all it’s worth it hasn’t changed it’s stance over who goes… to children (I say between ages 10 â�� 16) the place is their own personal night club; they dress up as if they were going to a gala event, which to them is going to a club and dance. 14-year olds in mini skirts, high heels and fifteen THOUSAND pounds of make-up on just to go into a freezing-cold dark room to watch a movie with hundreds of strangers who are never gonna see their hotness. Apparently this sticks to them as they grow older, because I’ve seen women dress up to go to the pharmacy. To get the laundry. Hell, some have even gone para-gliding dressed up like they were going to a trendy club. Women go to bars in high heels and skirts… oh, and get this: they dress ridiculously hot, and when a guy comes over to talk to her or complement her or just downright grovel at their feet, they’re surprised they’re getting attention. For the love of Marley… look at the picture to your right. This is a typical dress-up for women here. And the women are exceptionally insanely hot in Panama… They’re all like the girl in the pic, a lot of them even hotter. They dress up like this and then they wonder why they cause car crashes and are downright harassed everywhere they go.

People love drama here. They’ll do anything, twist, twirl, argue, scream, punch and throw each other out of fucking windows if it’ll get them drama. It was pointed out to me recently that Panamanians are very passionate people, and passion leads to drama. Hey, passion’s great. But you don’t need to get punched to get it. I’ve heard of horror stories that would make your skin crawl, making some douchebags punch-worthy… serious offenses that any girl in their right mind would have kicked these guys in the crotch and sent them packing but since we’re not talking about exceptional and rational women this time around they still go out with them to this day. It’s fucking ridiculous, but the only explanation I can muster out of all of this is that if a girl lets herself be blatantly humiliated in front of her friends in some â��COPSâ��-like fashion and she’s still going out with this idiot then she’s either stupid or she likes the abuse… like it’s supposed to be part of a relationship. These girls, a lot of them from my last count, have been promptly mind-fucked to the point where they’ll let themselves be cheated on, shoved at, screamed at, punched at and overall be treated like trash and yet don’t find the strength or willpower to cut all ties with them. Pin me as close-minded all you want, but I can’t for the life of me figure out why they’re still even speaking to these jackasses. Ironically, they’re beautiful women. Absolutely beautiful… and they’re the ones who most want get into drama. Well, isn’t that ironic… don’t you think?

Perhaps it’s lack of maturity… perhaps I’m right and they just like the abuse. Crazier things have been heard before. God knows I like hanging out with drama-magnets. I see it as an interesting mix, seeing as how I like to rattle cages and apparently my no-bullshit attitude causes drama for them for some mysterious reason. It’s like you can’t win at this game… and trumping this system is nigh-impossible, seeing as this particular brand or rational has been embedded into Panamanian culture for so long that the roots have spread pretty deep. Play by the rules of the game, I suppose. In the end, for a guy like me there’s no point in getting upset about it… I might as well use that energy to find loopholes so I can deal with these people without smashing my head against the wall. Dealing with people like this on a daily basis can become very frustrating though, and for someone who doesn’t have that much patience its proves to be a real mental exercise.

I still love my country and wouldn’t change it for the world… it’s a great sandbox to play in and whenever there’s a huge mess I want to forget about all I have to do is look out the window and I’m looking at a beach. I just wish people were much less complicated.

Pics taken from www.elcuara.com, www.alarido.com and www.dealante.com, all very popular Panamanian Internet magazines. You’ll find much more over yonder… It’s all in Spanish, but we both know you’re not going there for the articles.

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