As an aside to this piece, I feel compelled to share this tidbit with you: I got to work this morning and after settling in and the like, I decided to peruse Facebook. The social netwroking website has been vital to Porto Diao’s current marketing ventures, especifically talking about the Zombie Walk and I’m the type of guy that likes to know everything that’s going on at all times so it works out in the end. Anyway, recently I’ve been getting a lot of friend requests and overall activity in my profile page almost certainly due to the Porto Diao-organized event (my adventures as a devilishly charming man of mystery are just fine being speculation and rumors) and I mean, sure, I’m open to anyone that wants to be friends and all… I just don’t like it when people add friendss just to have them. Look, I could break down the 200+ people I have as friends in the following way: 20% are friends I see on a regular basis, 45% are people that have either guest-starred in one of my adventures, I see every so often yet the memories bind us together (include high school folks in this category), 20% are girls I’ve been intimate with on a myriad of levels I’m not about to discuss with you at the moment, you cheeky bastard, and the remaining 15% are either girls I have poked and talked to a few times or guys that want to get it on with said girls. These percentages arent set in stone, as many people I know fall into several of the afformentioned categories anyway but for the sake of order, well there you go.

And then, there’s Ricardo Martinelli. All I know from the guy is that he ran for president in the last panamanian elections where Martin Torrijos won in a landslide victory, he owns one of the bigger supermarket chains in the country (Super99) and, according to my deranged father, is a certified schizofrenic. The latter, I’m willing to believe judging from the times I’ve seen him on TV but it doesn’t diminish my opinion of the guy; in fact, considering that in the big race for the presidency, the hopefuls I was presented with so that I could give one of them my vote were all fucked up in some way, shape or form: Martin Torrijos was a puppet powered by nostalgia for the only nice dictator Panama’s ever had, Guillermo Endara was a clown and he already took office once a long time ago, Martinelli was a schizo and the rest were insignificant because I don’t remember who they were at this moment. Still, out of all of them, it was Martinelli that seemed like the best choice to take over, so I gave him my vote. Sadly, everyone else in the country was overcomed by the notion of him being a loon rather than president and, well, the rest is history.

Now he’s on Facebook, wanting to be my friend.

I’m not of one singular political party (in fact, I’m more in tune with being a libertarian but that’s neither here nor there) rather than I am all for the best man/woman for the job, so I don’t like to get into political discussions because they get as nasty as the discussions I have whenever some moron waltzes in here and calls me a “gringo” (like it was an insult, which is even sadder) because I call my countrymen out on their shit. I’m not even North-American. I’m a Latin Lover with geek cred. Whatever. Getting out of the full-of-myself snark, it seems that this politician/businessman wants to be my friend and I’ve had the browser tab open all morning trying to figure out what this guy’s intentions are. Does he really want to be my friend, I wonder? Is he lonely? Does he want some comfort? I think I’m the last guy to ask comfort for, because I’m like Dolemite, shooting out torpedos out my mouth left and right. Then I wonder “hell, he probably heard of the Zombie Walk and he wants to, well… walk.”

I tried looking for videos on the subject but came up empty: during his presidential campaign, he was known as a man who “walks in the shoes of the people,” in reality a series of commercials that showed him shoveling, building homes and pretty much getting down and dirty with the working class. It was a pretty commendable campaign, certainly original but it quickly derailed into mockery. Fact of the matter is, this guy is going at it from all angles to get the bigger demographics of people living in Panama today: the working class and youngsters. This last one leads me to Facebook, and the predicament at hand. I walked into his profile page to further investigate and I read the following message in ALL CAPS, which I hate because I see those fucking messages pop up at the AlmanaqueAzul.org comments all the time and I’m the dork that has to “de-cap” everything:

HOLA A TODOS, AHORA COMO NO PUEDO TENER MAS AMISTADES POR TENER 5000 PERSONAS EN MI PRIMER FACEBOOK
SE PUEDE SER AMIGO MIO TAMBIEN EN RICARDO ALBERTO MARTINELLI
ESTE ES UN NUEVO FACEBOOK PARA PODER ACOMODAR MAS AMISTADES!
SALUDOS,
RICARDO MARTINELLI

What that reads, dear non-Spanish-speaking reader, is that he had a previous profile page and had too many friends. So many friends, in fact, that he couldn’t have any more. According to facebook, no other person in the known world can have more than 5,000 friends at a time, so Rick over here decided to open another profile to accomodate more friends. If I accept to be in his troupe, that would make me a second-wave friend. Ricardo Martinelli has too many friends. Let it sink for a minute.

Apparently he’s one of the two Panamanian polliticians lurking around Facebook (as TuPolitica.com tells me, current Panama City mayor and presidential hopeful Juan Carlos Navarro being Player 2. He doesn’t have as many friends) and he wants to be acquainted with the potty-mouthed writer. Well, Porto Diao could use finantial backing. Look, that’s the thing about associating yourself with politicians: for some societal reason I fail to comprehend, working or being remotely related to a politician somehow adheres you to their cause and you’ll be shunned by your peers if you don’t bask in it… much like religion. Oh, dear Marley, I know people that are active cells of youth Christian movement Generacion Sin Limite that are cool folks and all, but I went to their latest attempt to attract lost souls (a rock concert called Rock En Tu Calle, on its third edition) and it was such a blatant display of hipocrisy I felt like I was in enemy territory the whole time I was there. We produced a BFTV about it, so check it out when you have the time to see how much of a joke it is. The inititiave is great and, just like politics, a necessary evil every society needs in order to keep some degree of order. Still, what about me? What about the guy who would rather believe in 1 person doing things right rather than someone representing a political agenda?

As likeable as the guy may be, and he seems to be a hoot to talk if only for the constant nervous ticks and bloodshot eyes, I’m not quite sure I want to associate myself to this guy. Hell, I like Navarro too but you don’t see me doing a digital dash to add him as my friend. I think I’ll add myself to his potentially bogus Facebook experiment to connect with me. You can never trust politicians, but this guy was a businessman first, so it can’t be THAT bad… right?

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