Rob-Rivera.com

Panamanians and My Rants

I was at Smoth Headquarters last night just shooting the shit and whatever when Marco talked to me about this girl who had some things to say about me on her blog. My immediate response to this was “awesome” since if other people are talking about you, be it bad or good then that’s always something… it means your work is making somewhat of an impact. That and I’ve gotten somewhat of a fetish for negative comments because thus far they’ve all been misinformed, childish and downright moronic… stuff I like to eat like Scooby Snacks. Seriously: there’s nothing better than making asses out of people who deserve it. Anyway, Marco put this comment as if she had the regular, run-of-the-mill comments stemmed out from misinterpretation. Little did I know that this very well-spoken miss would come out and tell people how it’s done… I won’t post the whole thing, which you can find here, but the summary of how this came to be is this: Back in August I was interviewed by Blogs Panama and the thing went up at their blog. Funny interview really, but as I’ve noticed as of late people in Panama are quick to hate without reading what they’re bitching about correctly. The question/answer this whole debacle comes from is the following:

11. Alguna anécdota interesante ?
Una vez fui al Decameron para el cumpleaños de un amigo de escuela en donde fueron también sus padres y sus hermanas. Después de jugar Cultura Chupística con un medio galón de Seco que había aparecido mágicamente en la arena y vomitar mi desayuno en una de las piscinas del hotel, al regresar me dijeron que o me acosté con una de las hermanas de mi amigo. También dicen que solo me la arropé, pero hasta el sol de hoy no recuerdo qué fue lo que paso entre las 3:30AM y las 10:30AM de la mañana siguiente. Lo más curioso del caso es que en mi cuarto estaba durmiendo con dos amigos, y en el cuarto de la muchacha en cuestión estaba no solo su hermana, sino su papá. Así que mi versión del cuento es que me la ponché en el pasillo donde estaba su habitación. Creo que es por eso que poco después del verguericidio se casó, tuvo un hijo y ya no me habla. Hmm…

We’ve been together for 6 months and if you haven’t figured it out already then, let me lay it out like this: I like to make you laugh. It’s fun times, telling a funny story. Also, I like to rattle people’s cages. Sometimes I’ll say something that someone has to object to out of sheer indignation… I love that. Pushing people’s limits, seeing just how uninhibited they allow themselves to be… I find it all fascinating; I believe this was one of those times. As talked about in this post:

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Anonimo
Date: Sat, 14 Oct 2006 16:20:04 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: [Blogs Panamá] Comment: “Rob-Rivera.com”

New comment on your post #46 “Rob-Rivera.com”
Author : Anonimo (IP: 200.12.210.11 , 11.210.12.200.clarocom.net)
E-mail : none@none.com
URI :
Whois : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=200.12.210.11
Comment:
Conclui la lectura al leer sobre su asombrosa “anecdota”. Luego se
quejan cuando denigran al panameno por su pobre hablar y no se
asombran al ver como un “escritor” habla sobre una mujer panamena
diciendo “me la ponche en el pasillo”.

Patetico. No lei mas y no creo que vuelva a leer mas sobre este sr.

You can see all comments on this post here:
http://www.blogspanama.com/blog/2006/08/14/rob-riveracom/#comments

Let it be noted that I don’t have sexual intercourses in hallways. It is just my logical assumption of the facts that I know, which are very few; for all I know I could have had sex with a turtle on the beach and I would’ve never noticed the difference. The happenings of that night will forever be a blur to me and I like it that way, really. This person/place/thing though (God, I hate anonymous users. What’s wrong with stating what your name is?) is downright convinced I had my way with the poor girl on a hallway at a hotel. He/she/it took my assumption and made it literal. Damn, ladies and gentlemen… I think we’ve got a winner here!

I’m sorry to disappoint this particular anonymous user, but contrary to popular belief I don’t have sex in hallways at random while I’m drunk (or sober, for that matter). Now, I take it that this person (something tells me this Anonymous user is a girl. I don’t know why, but my spider-sense is tingling at the thought of it) doesn’t read worth a damn, since he/she/Chtulhu couldn’t tell that me getting frisky with anyone in a dirty hallway is nothing more than one of the ridiculous amounts of brain farts I expel on a daily basis. Quite frankly, I forgot all about this story until I had to go back in and read the interview to remember. Anonymous user will go down in history along with the Proud Panamanian and the legendary Chtulhu as haters… I’m pretty convinced they’re all women now because I do have the uncanny superpower to piss women off rather easily. Just so you can remember and laugh (remember, kids: “recordar es vivir”) here’s what the Proud Panamanian had to say on my rant about Men in Panama:

ProudPanamanian Said:

October 5th, 2006 at 5:54 pm

Look ugly american…if you don’t like Panama,Panamanian men or whatever in Panama…PACK YOUR STUFF AND LEAVE PANAMA AND GO BACK TO YOUR COUNTRY.

There is no need to put down Panamanian men,besides,i THINK YOU ARE JUST PLAIN JEALOUS OF LATINO MEN/PANAMANIAN MEN.ANGLO SAXON MEN ARE TOO SISSY FOR US,PANAMANIAN WOMAN.THE ONLY PANAMANIAN WOMAN WHO MARRIES EXPATS IS BECAUSE SHE IS EITHER TOO SLUT TO GET MARRIED LOCALLY OR SHE IS PLAIN TOO POOR AND WANT
YOUR MONEY….
GO TRAVEL,UGLY AMERICAN.Macho attitude is EVERYWHERE..EVEN IN THE USA,CANADA AND EUROPE…

MACHO ATTITUDE IS EVERYWHERE, MAN!!!!! Don’t you fucking know, you pansy?! Little girly man, go away. If you’re not a man that can’t make me your slave and tell me what to do then I want nothing with you! Go away, ugly American! Someone club me on the head and drag me by the hair to their cave now! I make Sabretooth Tiger stew and brontoburgers. OOGA-BOOGA!!!

Fucking give me a fucking break, you fucker. I’ll go back to “my country” when you go back to the stone age; Fred Flintstone and Dino miss your cooking and the house is a mess since you left. Just when I thought all was lost, though… enter a beacon of light from the blog Just Blue:

Otra cosa es que creo que todos deberiamos aprender a expresar nuestras opiniones a titulo personal. ¿Luego se quejan o se asombran quienes? ¿Cómo usted sabe? No invente!
En la mencionada anectoda no dice si la mujer era panameña. Pudo haber sido China, India, Alemana y nosotros no tenemos como saberlo. Porque la anecdota no dice!!
Además, no estoy segura de que causo más molestiás: si la forma en que se dijo o la acción en si. ¿De haber escrito sustuve realciones intimas (coito, contacto intimo, realciones sexuales) con ella en el pasillo habría parecido mas decoroso o honorable? Lo otro es que si bien la frase tiene cierta connotacion machista, no fue violación. ¿Sería diferente si una mujer dijera: “ponche con el en el pasillo”? ¿En este caso no habrían protestas?

See, this is the kind of person I’d love to talk to. A person who can comment on something after understanding what was said. I want to meet her. People like this seem to come less and less as days go by, so it’s awesome to know that there are still individuals in this country who read and now how how to assimilate information correctly. Any which way, let it be noted that she is not defending me by any means, but she does get it… and that, to me, is all I ever wanted out of this here project. She’s got some good written works in there too, so you’d do yourself a favor by checking the blog out.

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