I’ll make this short because I’m putting the finishing touches to the first newsletter for the first annual ZOMBIE WALK (what are you waiting for to sign up?) but I did want to talk about this one thing that I noticed last night. Friday was the birthday of a very special friend of mine, one who I see in many respects as my little sister; we’ve gone on great adventures together and we’ve seen each other grow up from drunken kids to drunken young adults. Anyway, it was one of those rare ocassions where I upgraded from naturally charming to naturally charming with a buttoned shirt and shoes… it seems that people do give looks far more importance than they should but that’s neither here nor there. Thing is that last night was full of “could have beens…” you know what I mean: people you could’ve had something special with but the circumstances wouldn’t allow it. It seems that I’ve been around (either that or I’m more of a glutton than a fat kid with cake) because I not only saw someone I hadn’t seen in quite a bit but I saw other I thought were long gone. Case in point: This pretty lady, I met years ago and I remember that back in the day she had a real crush on me. I’m talking a good 5 years ago, and we were young and reckless. We were at a party and she pulled me aside and poored this all on me and quite frankly I didn’t know what to do, mainly because I was an 18-year old kid who was dealing with the daunting weight of being helplessly in love (my torment. Surprise, surprise! God, I can’t believe it goes so far back) and didn’t have the knowledge and moral ambigüity I have now. I was ridiculously optimistic then and even though I still am to this day at least I’ve garnered enough experience to know how complicated relationships can be, no matter how big or small. I left my story with her open-ended though, something which she took as a polite shot-down. We kept hanging out randomly every now and then until she went abroad to study and she disappeared for years. I kept going with my life and here I am now writing about it, but last night when I saw her again I realized how big of an idiot I was for not giving her a chance when I did.

Is that regret I smell, Robert?

I don’t know why or how, but last night a little part of me wanted to know her whole. I wanted to know what I missed out on because I’m sure I jumped out the train of a really good thing. I thought about it, so much so that I had some breakfast by myself so I could ponder on it some more. That guy that’s with her, I concluded, is a very lucky man. I can’t, for the life of me, figure out what it was that attracted me so much to her… I noticed she had freckles and that’s when I realized i find those adorable for God knows what reason. Her smell made me delirious, too. Fuck, I need to stop.

I grabbed my vodka drink and decided to peruse around the floor to see if I could find anything I could distract myself with but aside from the pleasant surprise of finding out that an old friend from school is now the manager of Buzz (the club I was at) I thought I’d have to go back up the the party area and fight my impulses… that’s when I saw Carol.

She was even more gorgeous now than when I last saw her; I passed by her on my way to the bathroom and she saw me… luckily, she remembered me as much as I remembered her. Anyway, I had a wii emergency so I couldn’t do the chatting deal without me pissing all over myself so I decided I’d take a leak first and then fire away. Fate had other plans, though, and when I got out of the bathroom she was no longer there… bummer… I was striking out big time that night, getting one shitty break after another. I found out through my manager friend that she goes to Buzz every Friday though, so at least there is hope… I just have to cough up the 10 bucks to go in. The question is, is the risk really worth 10 dollars? Do I want her bad enough? Hell, what do I want to begin with? Early on that night I had seen the star of this bedroom adventure and she looked even more adorable than when I last got involved with her… come to think of it, I think there’s something in the place’s lighting or God knows what that makes every girl in there look perfect. All of these women looked amazing… by the time I filled out my mind’s paperwork in order for it to be O.K for me to walk up to my ex and talk to such a beautiful woman she had already gathered up her entourage and left… 0 for 3, Robert. Not impressed.

While I was having breakfast (go to Niko’s and try their carimañolas, folks. They’re awesome) thinking about the girl who I let slip off my fingers I run into another girl, great friend of mine that I don’t even know what to say about her. For some reason she produces frustration in me. You kno what? Let’s not even go there. The point to this particular chapter was that seeing her kind of put the last nail on my debauchery coffin for the night. I got home, took off the shirt and shoes… and slept, feeling drained and defeated.

I feel that things would be very different if I had made different choices concerning any of these women… as a result, I’m draining Robi Draco Rosa in my ears feeling sorry for myself. It’s days like these that kind of make me wish I wasn’t in this silly grey area I keep talking about… every system has its flaws, I suppose. I want to take it easy now… at least for the timebeing, the events of last night were too many for my erratic emotional state to take so I could do with some TV and pizza. I think I’ll do that. I’m gonna stop now, because I’m already remembering things I shouldn’t be rehashing… makes you think that it’s true when they say that high school never really ends.

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