First off, It’s The Bastardizer’s son’s birthday today so if you can, then please drop by his chunk of the Internet and say “hello.” Last night, during a melatonin-induced sleep sturpor I walked out to the kitchen and I heard my dad typing away furiously like he usually does when he’s in the zone; I decided to go out there and talk to him a little since I hadn’t really had a real conversation with the guy for a couple of days… now, I have a special relationship with my father and it will come clear to you (hopefully, if I do this right) why exactly I put up with his shit on a regular basis. Obviously my dad knows who the Bastardizer really is (not an easy task, either. My dad, I’ve come to notice, is the stuff of legend around my circle of friends… only a few have actually seen him, but they have all heard stories of his timeless adventures, mostly narrated by yours truly. His story is fascinating, but that’s besides the point… somewhat) and I mentioned it to him that it was his son’s 2-year birthday today. He asked me how his situation is with the boy’s mom and I told him from my perspective… you can imagine how things are like for my dad to spark the conversation that followed.

Dad: “That’s bad… very bad. I’m going to tell you something, Robert; your friends, you have to convince them to play nice with their kid’s moms. It’s 100% possible. I mean, look at me. I’ve been a father for 25 years and even though I still don’t feel prepared to be a dad, if there’s something I feel confident about is that I managed to be with both of my children; I was always there, even though not always physically both you and your sister always knew and still know that I’m a phone call away.”

Rob: “Yeah, you’re right…”

Dad: “They have to realize that crippling your former partner out of spite and like, screw her over is the single stupidest thing they could ever do. ‘I’m gonna fuck her over! REVENGE IS MINE!’ What is that ever going to do other than make her fuck him up ten times worse? Then he’ll want to fuck her up 20 times worse and it’s a vicious cycle that will only hurt the kids in the end. They can’t say they love their children if they’re more about getting custody of their kids and crippling their partners. Personally, I believe that you can’t mess with mother nature: children need to be with their mothers. Look, when I was 15 I did a lot of crazy shit, so much that your grandmother deported me to Chiriquí on this farm of this friend of hers. When I got to Puerto Armuelles and saw the farm I quickly realized I had to get out of there… I had to escape. So I made a plan: I talked to the owner of the farm and told him I wanted to work doing chores for the place… the sir was an old-school type of man who believe that young people have to work, they have to sweat to know what life is about and some other pointless bullshit. I saw it as my ticket out; I’d work and save the money I earned until I had enough to jump on a bus and get the hell out of there. Anyway, I started out pushing hay and milking cows or whatever with the workers, really humble and poor people who had little huts around the property and that’s where they’d live. Anyway, Robert, it was then when I saw how there was so much drama between them… do you know what the men would do?”

Rob: “Nope…”

Dad: “The men would knock girls up and then, when they found out the girls they were ‘going steady’ with were pregnant they’d ask for transfers and move to the next farm. I lived in a farm community so it was easy to jump from farm to farm in order to work so when a guy found out that he koncked a girl up, when she started railing him so he’d take responsibility he’d quit the farm he was at and he’d move to another farm… so, he’d start fresh in another farm with other people while the girls were stuck with babies. It happened all the time, and I was rather shaken by it… I mean, I was 15 at the time… I was sailing, man! But that’s when I first realized that whenever I have kids, no matter what happens between me and the kid’s mother I’d make things so that I could always be there for my children. So, I got your sister’s mom pregnant. I was a free spirit then, man… I didn’t want to be tied down! But then she was born and it gave me a whole new perspective… things died between her mom and I, but my little girl didn’t have to suffer because of it; so, I sat down with her mom and told her ‘listen, this is how things are going to be.’ I could pass by the house whenever I wanted and could, and I’d call her every night, and I taught her how to dial the phone so she could call me to my office when I was working at the bank. Then you came along… things got a little complicated because, as you very well know, your mom and your sister’s mom are not the same mom… I wasn’t going to abandon my daughter though, and I knew then that in order for my brilliant plan to work I was going to have to come clean and talk to both women about the situation. I talked to your sister’s mom… told her about your mother and of course, yourself… and I did the same with your mom. In order for this to work there couldn’t be any warring between them, and in that regard I believe I succeeded because I was always there for both of my kids. Perhaps I didn’t see my daughter every day, perhaps I wasn’t there for her physically but I was there for her nontheless; I’d call her every night or she’d call me and to this day it’s like that, you know it. I tried to do the same thing with you when cell phones came down here but since you thought we were policing you, you’d just trash them and throw them away; yet now it works because the cell phone has become an accessory in your utility belt. You can’t leave the house without it, and that’s all I wanted. You might not call me, but at least I know I can reach you easily and you know you can do the same with me.”

Rob: “Yeah, you’re right…”

Dad: “I know that at least I did that right. And as you can see, she’s with her mom just fine. If this were a different case and your mom and I had separated you would’ve stayed with your mom as well. It’s mother nature, Robert; you can’t mess with mother nature. Men are not prepared, they’re not equipped to have the link a mother and her child has… good for us men, too! I mean, yes, it’s easier for us to rid ourselves of responsibility if you think about it that way but having a mother is essential toa  good upbringing… yet, children also need their father. And I love you and I love your sister, so if I had to compromise with your mothers in order to be an influential force in your lives I was gonna do it because if there was one thing I wasn’t going to let happen it was either of your growing up without their dad. And look, what a shitty situation to be in… that’s what I’d think. But, you know what? I pulled it off. You two turned out to be excellent. Children I’m proud of calling mine, and I know I played a significant part in that. Look, these guys… fighting for custody is the stupidest thing they could ever do. Why dump so much responsibility on themselves like that? Most importantly, why on earth would they want to cut their mothers off the picture? Visitation rights? I get the kid Monday thru Thursdays and you get them on the weekend? That’s bull. I say let the mothers keep them. But they should sit down with them and play nice so that they can go see their children whenever they want, call them whenever they want and be a constant presence in their lives. Sure, they’ll lose a battle but they’ll definitely win the war. War is a series of battles, and sometimes in order to win the war, certain battles have to be lost.”

Rob: “I agree.”

Dad: “So yes, try to convince your friends that what they’re doing is stupid. They’re being selfish with their children… if they really loved them, they’d do everything they could in order for their kids to be with both their parents. In the end, the women don’t count; it’s all about the children now.”

It’s logic like the one displayed in the conversation above that grants me the authority to say that, even though we have our differences and he can be dastardly at times, this sir is one of the smartest men I have ever known, and definitely one of my few heroes. His perceptions aren’t sugar coated, but they’re solutions. They’re the most effective and they’re always the least visible by the human eye… it takes a great mind to find reasoning like this one, let alone act on it. And speaking of responsible parenting, it’s my duty as a member of AlmanaqueAzul.org to finish media whoring the Fiesta del Chor y la Chacleta event, which will take place at La Casona (Casco Viejo) on November 19th, starting at 3PM. $3 gives you 5 bands and a great ol’ time. I’ll see you there!

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