So, when I got out of the office my mom decided she wanted to see me so she took the liberty to pick me up. Traffic was hell as always, and that’s why the Mirna dictatorship decided that she would not drive home, but her offspring would. Not just that, but her offspring would also singlehandedly save Thanksgiving.

Rob: “I’m running on nothing but coffee right now. I’m really hungry…”

Mom: “I had a coffee at noon. It was nice.”

Rob: “We’re having Thanksgiving dinner, right?”

Mom: “We sure are!”

Rob: “Really? Awesome! I’m in the mood for turkey.”

Mom: “That’s too bad.”

Rob: “Sorry?”

Mom: “We’re not having turkey.”

Rob: “What?!“

Mom: “We’re having ham. And rice, and chicken and also that instant sancocho from Costco your grandma likes so much.”

Rob: “WHAT”

Mom: “We’ll all be together having sancocho!”

Rob: “Sancocho is not Thanksgiving food, mom!”

Mom: “Sure it is!”

Rob: “Where?!”

Mom: “At our house!”

Rob (contemplating running straight into the side of a bridge): “It’s all about the turkey, man… you can’t have Thanksgiving without a turkey…”

Mom: “Well, you’re about to find out that you can.”

Rob: “What’s the point to Thanksgiving if there’s no turkey?”

Mom: “Thanksgiving is about saying ‘thanks!’”

Rob: “Thanks… for not getting a turkey, mom.”

With that, we took a detour to the supermarket and got a midget-sized turkey because I’m broke and the life of crime I lead isn’t giving me the digits I thought it would. The whole motley crüe of the Aldeano house was there while my dad and I looked on with the look you have when you’re thinking about considering denying any association to whoever you’re with. As it turns out, my grandmother went on a trip to Costco recently and found out that they sell what appears to be microwaveable sancocho or something ridiculous like that. There was corn, yuca, plantain and the soup… it all tasted like microwave sancocho would. Mmm-mmm, bitch! Still downed it down like a jackass. I made a few phone calls and after a CD burn (must talk about the lost art of making a mix tape!) with new Incubus, Gustavo Cerati, Clipse, the entire Phantom Planet discography, some At The Drive-In (ONE-ARMED SCISSOR!) and this Sublime tribute album I found lying around… the Internet, I headed on out to meet up with this kind sir to, and I quote: “get fucking drunk.” Met some lovely ladies when I got to Steinbock and shot the shit for a bit with them while a small crowd started to gather up around us little by little.

It seems that we were on a mission sent to us from the high lands of Minas Tirith to get shitfaced with beer. The option of tequila was tossed around briefly and I jumped on it like a cougar since I like to wreck myself in the most devastating ways I possibly can… sadly, the place where I was promised $1.50 tequila shots/drinks sucked like ass so Butter and I quickly bolted for the safe haven of Unplugged. This is the part where the story gets interesting.

The band was at full swing, and I have to tell you that if you’ve never gone to Unplugged because, I dunno, it looks too shady and unlike what you’re used to, the least you could do is drop in once in your life and listen to the in-house band… those fuckers are amazing. What I like about them is that not only is every member tight and on point with their playing but they know how to put on a show; not only that but they totally command the songs the play. Their roster is huge, ranging from Tool to The Doors to The Rolling Stones, Nirvana, Metallica, some Queens of the Stone Age, Foo Fighters, Megadeth, Led Zeppelin, everything in between and last night I must’ve heard the best live version of one of my favorite songs ever outside of the actual artist who wrote it (that would be Lenny Kravitz’s “Are You Gonna go My Way?” That song is so fierce live that it hurts me in the prostate) and it all sounds seemless how they’ll jump from one song to another like they were scratching their balls or doing anything else that’s as mundane and everyday… as scratching your crotch. We found HoneyBrown there and we hung out by the band as they blew our fucking minds. I would notice around that point (the “blowing out fucking minds” part, don’t know exactly at what point but there’s your margin) that Mr. Butter would be downing beers faster than I was… now, you have to know something about me before I continue: I have serious respect for people who can casually down a beer faster than I can. I don’t know why, but this occurence is rare and it tells me one of two things… either a) this person wants to get drunk quick or b) I have found an equal. This time, though? Number 1; my friend was staying true to his promise.

Headbanging and air-guitaring pushed the night forward as the tunes kept coming fast and furiously; at this point I decided that time was meaningless and I would not be concerned by it any more for the rest of the night (a decision that, in retrospect, I somewhat regret). First band break came in and we decided to hang out outdoors… now, for those of you who don’t know about this place, here you’ll find the most interesting characters in the city and they won’t be that hard to pinpoint so you’re guaranteed a very interesting time no matter what happens. At this point in the evening I was being sly and Butter was being drunk:

Rob (staring furiously at these girls who were sitting on this wall on the house next to the bar): “Hey, it’s the pink girl!”

Butter: “And her friend!”

Rob: “I’m telling you man… even if I cleaned up house, I still can’t fucking turn it off.”

Butter: “Titty licking.”

Rob: “Sorry?”

Butter (stopping some random dude trying to make it inside, he adresses him): “Excuse me, sir.”

Random Dude: “Yeah?”

Butter: “Me and my friend here are starting a new proyect and it’s called ‘meet a stranger.’ You’re a stranger, so I’m meeting you.”

Random Dude: “?”

Butter: “My name is Butter. This is my friend, Rob.”

Rob: “How’re you doin’?”

Butter: “What’s your name?”

Random Dude: “Mike…?”

Butter (to Rob): “His name’s Mike.”

Rob: “What’s up, Mike?”

Mike (trying to make his way past us and looking down on us like we were Martians): “I’m cool, man. Kinda wanna get a beer.”

Butter: “That’s cool! We already have beers.”

At this point more people start passing by and Butter’s attention goes to “A.D.D. kid on crack” levels.

Butter (at the trio of people walking right beside him): HEEEEEEEEEEEY!

Random Crowd: “?”

Butter: “Me and my friend here are starting a new proyect and it’s called ‘meet a stranger.’ You’re a stranger, so I’m meeting you.”

Random Girl in said Random Crowd (slithering her way past us): “all I wanted was a beer…”

Random Dudes in said Random Crowd (clueless): “?”

Butter (pulling other random people into our conversation): “HEY! What’s your name?”

Other Assorted Random People: “?”

Butter: “Me and my friend here are starting a new proyect and it’s called ‘meet a stranger.’ You’re a stranger, so I’m meeting you.”

Rob: “How are y’all doing?”

This would go on for a good half hour. It was quite fun.

Anyway, afterwards we took HoneyBrown and these two friends of hers from out of town to Niko’s Café where we found Cam Master extraordinaire and “the guy who despite our silly-assed ideas he still films them for us” Bloque, his girlfriend and a bunch of other folk. We talked about many things while Butter would step in with intermissions pointing towards his drunkeness and when the clock hit 4AM I decided it was time to drop everyone home; the aftermath? I’ve got this song in my head, I’m powered by caffeine (yet again), no breakfast in my stomach to speak of and considering the amount of time I took in the bathroom before bolting out to work it’s safe to say that I haven’t showered. Does a sprinkle to wash my face count as a shower? Does it? The only thing that could’ve made the night even better, quite frankly, was that a Wii was inserted at some point in the night. As a matter of fact, the plan this weekend is to fuse beer and the Wii into the most powerful time-wasting amalgam the world has ever seen… and we shall call him Voltron.

It seems that when people are around me, they get drunk faster. Good stuff happens to then, which is awesome. I can’t help but imagine what it’ll be like to be in a room full of drunken geeks playing Wii Sports. I can’t. Frickin’. Wait.

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