I’ve spent most of the morning trailing back and forth and one of the things I go back to is this Q & A Sylvester Stallone’s been having for what apparently has been a few weeks now with AintItCool.com’s readership. I found out about this at a CHUD.com forum earlier this morning and ever since then I’ve been reading Sly’s answers to pretty much everything they’ve been throwing at him; the results are hilarious, among the best stuff the site’s coughed out in years. Surprisingly, all questions are rather interesting and some of them solve long standing mysteries of modern cinema… for example, in regards to “Demolition Man:”

9. For the love of all that is good and Holy.

How do you use the 3 seashells?!

Louis Saucedo
Dallas, Texas

OK, this may be bordering on the grotesque, but the way it was explained to me by the writer is you hold two seashells like chopsticks, pull gently and scrape what’s left with the third. You asked for it…. Be careful what you ask for, sorry.

I always wondered about those fucking seashells. Anyway, there are other things I didn’t know about the guy, like how he had a crack at the script of “Beverly Hills Cop,” wrote and directed the sequel to “Saturday Night Fever” called “Staying Alive,” and has plans to write/direct a movie about Tupac and Biggie Smalls’ murders called “Notorious.” He wrote the “Rocky” script in 3 days and overall he’s not the type people normally expect him to be, yo. There are a lot of tidbits and his responses are very interesting… the guy’s been around and in more movies than any of us know. “Rocky Balboa” is coming out soon; it’s the 6th installment in the series and from the looks of it, it’ll be the last… another thing that I had been wondering about since I happened to see all five Rocky films in the span of a week a couple of months ago was something about Rocky’s kid… wait, here’s the question that best sums up the logistical hiccup:

3. Sly,

I am perhaps one of the biggest fans of the Rocky series but I have never been able to get over the fact that Rocky’s son ages about 10 years from when Rocky goes to Russia to when he comes back. Obviously you wanted to have your son play a part in the movie, but did you worry about continuity of character? What was the logic behind such an implausable scenario? I mean, I know Rocky had brain damage and all, but c’mon, he’s gotta recognize that his son has been replaced with an imposter.

Sincerely,

Darren Weissman, MD
New York, NY

Dear Darren,

You’re absolutely right and I’m laughing right now because I believe I have more brain damage than Rocky to make that mistake. What I should’ve written in the dialog is that Rocky’s son suffers from a genetic defect that causes him to age 3 months every 90 minutes.

You should go to the Aint It Cool News site and check out the features… they’re currently in round 11 and planning to get to 20. Also, check out this roundtable on freedom of speech and censorship featuring Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the creators of South Park… it’s fascinating reading. Speaking of “sly,” both the urban and regular dictionaries of the internet agree that the correct synonym for the term is “cunning.” in retrospect, Panamanians have the distinction of being rather cunning with the things they do. Rather sly, if you will. Of course, not all of us have that skill embedded in our constructs but we all have that basic spark that allows us to outsmart someone when times call for it. Hell, being sly is one of the gadgets in my utility belt. Anyway, there was something I wanted to talk about that ran along these lines (somewhat) and it’s one of the things people feel rather uncomfortable about sometimes, no matter what age group you’re in.

Just a few days ago I was presented with the topic of karma and how what we do always comes back to us, going forward. It was very odd for me to have someone I care about roll out this story which its final message was how it all boils down to karma collecting on the shitty things we do to one another. Just as it’s easier to destroy than to create, it’s much easier to fall into being a victim rather than that of an “aggressor.” Being the catalyst for the terrible outcome of something is never great for your health, and in that sense being the one on the receiving end is a much more “comfortable” place to be in as far as karma is concerned. Under this principle, “aggressors” always get what’s coming to them. Excuse me while I chew on this for a minute.

I can’t deny, specially after what I was told a few days ago, that sometimes life works in funny ways. These “aggressor” and “victim” tags are very much interchangeable in the grand scheme of things; every day someone tells someone else they love them while at the same time, on the other side of the world, there’s an individual whose sole purpose is to destroy another. All bets are off every time you wake up; today is either the best or worst day of your life… or then again, it might be uneventful. Hell, who knows? Maybe karma will look your way and change things by the time you go to sleep tonight, for better or worse. Where I’m trying to get to here is how utterly chaotic things really are and how our brain can’t possibly factor in every possibility so we can feel safe with what we do. Things happen. I don’t know where I’ll be a year from now. It’ll most probably be something as unexpected as an anvil falling on my head right this very moment, but I like to think that the changes are always good… for example, I’ve learned recently that I’ve been scheduling too much. I’ve been asking what you’re going to do later or tomorrow too much. Maybe I shouldn’t keep time so close to my chest.

In a way, I think that’s what being sly is all about. We should all embrace our inner slyness, and if there’s something Panamanians know how to do, it’s that duality about doing good but under your own terms. Many a time I see people eager to take credit for the good things that happen while they blame everyone but the mailman when it hits the fan. I take it this is a more worldwide phenomena since it doesn’t really matter where you come from when you’re a complete douche, but this year I’ve tried to keep the scope within my confines so I’m focusing on my fellow Panamanian. Anyway, I just wanted to touch on that briefly and kind of make your gears start moving. I have lots to talk about regarding karma, but sadly I need to go now. I’ll dig deeper tomorrow… in the meantime, here’s Salma Hayek and her Campari 2007 Calendar, and here’s Scarlett Johansson stepping in as a Pussycat Doll. Who loves you, baby?

Rob is lazy and has not put tags yet!

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