Neither I nor the world was ready for what was unleashed upon the earth on December 23^rd, 1994. An avid fan of games as you can probably tell, a young lad named Robert was psyched when one of his favorite games at the time was getting a movie adaptation. As it was, I was an only* child with no brothers or sisters to play SNES with, so I had to cohort my family members to embark on the globetrotting journey of the world warriors in a tournament that would pit them against evil dictator and head of the criminal/military organization known as Shadoloo, General M. Bison. I was still in my formative years when Street Fighter II first came out and was, as a result, yet to fine-tune my concepts of winning and losing, which is a nice way of saying that I loathed losing, so much so that I’d go into temper tantrums so extreme that my family let me win until they eventually just avoided me whenever I turned on the console to engage in sweet, 16-bit violence.

So it was with great glee when I was watching cartoons one day after coming home from school that I saw the adverts for a live action version of Street Fighter with none other than “The Muscles From Brussels,”� Jean Claude Van Damme. Even though I was 9 years old when I was first introduced to this staple of 80’s action movies when my aunt took me to see the PG-13-rated “Universal Soldier”� (how I managed to look at the ticket lady straight in the eye and tell her I was 13 without pissing in my He-Man undies is beyond me), I wasn’t really aware of how big of an influence in cinema this Jean Claude Van Damme guy was. Because my mom and her sister (said aunt that took me to watch UniSol, a movie that, in retrospect, was highly inappropriate for a kid as impressionable as I was) loved this guy and the local TV channels would show Van Damme/Schwarzenegger flicks every other week, when I said I wanted to see “Street Fighter: The Movie,”� the ladies were so ecstatic that they had me stay up a little later to catch his movies on the tube. My dad, not so much; he likes stuff that has a firm grip on reality. Having said that, his favorite show is “24.” In his defense though, and before reeling the narrative back in, “The Jack Bauer Power Hour” brings the one other thing that my dad basks in: “no relationship bullshit.”

This was how I was introduced to such gems as “Bloodsport”� and its distant, not-as-hot cousin “Kickboxer,”� “Double Impact,” “Hard Target,”� “Timecop”� and many others. With the newfound knowledge and his incredible ability to do splits, I went to the movie theater with the huge video game nerd I house inside my devilishly charming exterior as the captain of the vessel, ready to regurgitate massive amounts of geek juice all over the front row. Now, what happened in the following months is a blur to me, but I do remember having a “meh”�-type of animosity towards the film. I assume I thought it was “just alright,”� though I must have given it a pass because I bought a shitload of the special Street Fighter: The Movie trading cards, so much so that, if the 15-year old book I still have them in is any indication, I’m only missing 2. When I first started my long-standing love affair with the internet, I found out that the movie suffered a massive beating by the purists and was labeled as bad all around. Rob, as impressionable as he was, got caught up in it and adopted it as his opinion on the movie. Of course, years passed and it wasn’t until I finished molding my personality and character and realized I don’t need or want to agree with the majority in order to fit in, coincidentally I caught the movie on TV one night and found it to be absolutely magnetic. I don’t know about you, dear reader, but Street Fighter is one of those movies that if I happen to catch on the tube while flipping channels, my world reaches a screeching halt so I can give it the undivided attention it deserves. It’s not Fellini’s 8 � by any means, but I watch it for the same reason that I have “Mortal Kombat”� on DVD and pop it in whenever I feel like throwing a basket full of kitties off a cliff: it’s just so much fun.

So over the top, so ridiculous and absolutely unapologetic about itself are the reasons why “Street Fighter”� is such a great movie to watch when you just want to relax and have a good time. It’s kind of a shame that this was the last movie Raul Julia ever did, but to his credit, his portrayal of General M. Bison is definitely a tome of the “Scenery Chewing 101″� class. It’s simply delicious to watch. Everything about this movie is ridiculous, and several characters are ass-raped versions of their videogame counterparts (lookin’ at you, Ken and Ryu, T. Hawk, Dee Jay, Dhalsim) and let’s not even start with Blanka, the deranged, Muppet-haired Bozo knock-off. There is a lot that my gamer sensibilities should be upset about, and Kylie Minogue was fat when she played Cammy in this movie. I could go on and on, really.

In spite of that, though, I can’t bring myself to turn away every time it’s on. The movie has a subliminal tractor beam that pulls me in and has me swim in the cheesiness not unlike the way Scrooge McDuck swims in his money vault. There are so many moments I could cherry-pick and display for you as proof of this gem of 90’s action cinema, but if there’s a part that can sum up the sheer absurdity on display while watching Street Fighter, there’s only one part I can link to. The nexus of pomposity and overacting masked with an inspirational speech towards the ending of the movie spoken by none other than our protagonist Colonel Guile, played by the thick-accented Van Damme. If you are one of the unlucky few who haven’t had then chance to be blown away by the sheer brilliance of this scene, then today is your lucky day! This is gold, the kind of thing you simply do not see in movies anymore… not like this.

Quick recap for those who are not familiar with the plot of the movie: Guile, along with Cammy and T. Hawk, are about to lead a battalions up river and straight into M. Bison’s fortress. Bison is holding a large number of hostages in his fortress, and is asking for not only a ton of money but also his own country, which in this case would be Shadoloo. Right before disembarking, a government official informs Guile that the attack is cancelled and that the UN will meet Bison’s demands. What follows, as they say, is history:

Motherfucker is pissed. Lesson here is that when you’ve lost your balls, you don’t fuck with Jean Claude Van Damme. Anyway, that same year saw the release of an infinitely more accurate, animated version of “Street Fighter” that respected the game’s cannon. It’s much more serious than the live action version and it’s also one of the cornerstones of modern Anime. I remember it being the first Anime I ever rented (not the first I ever watched; one of the bonuses of growing up in Panama was that our weekday cartoons were mostly of Japanese origin) and thought it was infinitely cooler than the Van Damme version, but now? Not so much. Even though the fights are insane and you get to see Chun Li’s animated breasts as she’s taking a shower, something I was excited about when I first watched it as much as it pains me to admit it now, nowadays my sharp sense of irony lets me see that there’s much more gold to mine out of Van Damme’s Street Fighter. With The N Day having just passed and all, I was struck with a bit of nostalgia and watching people playing Street Fighter II Turbo on an SNES brought back memories. Also, I’ve been listening to the Minibosses nonstop for the past 2 weeks and their music definitely inspires some retro gaming. Here are some tracks to get you in the mood: choose from Mega Man 2, Castlevania, and Contra. Bonus stage: Powerglove’s amazing cover of “Korobeiniki (Tetris theme).”�

And finally, because you sure as hell want to see it, here’s the Chun Li vs. Vega fight from “Street Fighter: The Animated Movie:”

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