Just so you can coast during the hiatus, you are welcome to check out the most popular posts, the most commented ones and the archives. As an incentive, here are some pictures of Jessica Alba on the beach:

So ladies, you’re lying on the bed, couch, floor or wherever with your husband/boyfriend/fuck buddy/friend. It’s nice and cozy, you’re feeding off of each other’s heat or whatever when suddenly, as a product of one of those brain farts the mind always conjures when it’s drained and tired from all of the sex, you start thinking about silly things. Now, I’ve never gone into a woman’s mind but I know people can be very fucking sporadic in their train of thought once they’re tired and drowsy. If you’re Panamanian, you’ve never actively thought about it and unless you’re open-minded (a.k.a “awesome”) you haven’t given it any time, either. I mean, why would you? You figure that since he’s having sex with you then there’s no reason for him to be milking himself to pictures and video in his alone time… right?

WRONG.

Sorry to break it to you, and this is gonna sound rather harsh but allow me to open your eyes. If you’ve ever bought a Cosmo or Elle or any of these fashion magazines then you’ve probably come to the realization that no woman wants to face: there are women better-looking than you. WAY more better-looking than you. You buy these magazines to look at the pretty people and feel depressed because you’ll never be as thin as then, your breasts will never look like those, your ass will never look as tight, your lips will never look as full, skin as soft, eyes as beautiful, hair as gorgeous and will never be able to do things as perfectly as those girls in the fashion mags do. Hell, don’t even get me started on the fallacy of it all (who knows, though. I just might go at it a little later). Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and in a pure sexual standpoint then most of the cover girls of these magazines are absolutely stunning. Take away the feelings and memories and all of that: talking under a strictly physical, libido-fueled stance, If I were given a choice between, say, any great looking friend of mine and Angelina Jolie then fucking mierda, why the hell are we having this discussion?! Hell, do this experiment: take a picture of yourself naked (that is, and this goes out to all you Panamanian hotties out there, if you can be awesome enough to subject yourself to taking a fucking Polaroid or digital pic of yourself naked in the privacy of your own home. Wowwwww-wee, that’s hard as hell!!!) and download any one picture of Jessica Alba. In fact, I just did half the work for you. Print them out and give them to your significant over and let them be over the weekend. Just cut them off; tell him that he’ll have those two pics to push himself through the weekend and that there’s won’t be any nookie until next weekend so that he has no choice (if there’s an off-chance that he doesn’t masturbate while being sexually active, a notion I think is ridiculous). By the end of next week, notice how nice and tidy your picture is, while miss Invisible Woman there is wrinkled and worn out… extra point if you see a cum stain!

So, he picked a gorgeous woman over you. Big whoop: you do it to us all the time as well and you don’t see us complaining (unless he’s macho, insecure, gay/metro or all of the above). We’re just happy you’ve picked us to be with you! We know that most likely we’ll never have a chance with any of these women and if he wants to bust a nut all over them he’ll just go ahead and do it because the chances are slim that his semen will actually hit Jessica Simpson’s titties. Just the same as you wanting to get it on with David Beckham. Hell, the main reason more than half the women in Panama are even paying attention to the World Cup is to see the sweaty men and you don’t see us complaining about that, either. It’s an inescapable fact: men never have enough. We’re programmed to reproduced and not much more; if women one day figure out a way to fertilize themselves (in fact, they have… but they still need us assholes to provide half the ingredients to the mix) without our semen we’re screwed in the sense that we won’t be getting screwed anymore. We’d be completely useless… they’re smarter, can take greater amounts of pain than we’ll ever be able to and many other things that make us men borderline obsolete. You’d better thank your nutsack every morning, because if it weren’t for him we’d be extinct. Women would be paying to have sex with us the same way you toss in a quarter to play a game at the arcade: you don’t really need to do it, fut it’s fun to have a change of pace once in a while and have different experiences even if it takes you out of your way.

In this retarded society we know and love there’s so many sexual taboos it’s ridiculous. As it turns out, I cover sex a lot here because it’s one of the areas where we’re the most repressed and infantile about. As a society, we’re very “black or white” on our things, and that’s not really cool for forward thinking. If I posted more pictures like these, then this place would automatically turn into spank central. That’s right, beat it like it owes you money. Of course, men here will never admit to it since the topic of sex is so repressive that it’s borderline pathetic. Do I masturbate to pics and video? Hell, I did so last night. “Asian Erotica.” Lesbians with dildos, it was G-R-E-A-T. Does that take away my capacity from hanging out, liking and loving someone I appreciate? Hell no, it doesn’t. It just says that I enjoy sex just as much as you do… maybe you should loosen up and try it yourself. Seriously, if you’re a girl then it’s not wrong to like lesbian porn… hell, personally it’d turn me and many others on. Sexual freedom, just like every other type of freedom, is nothing short of awesome and if it takes a little crotch-rubbing to get you there then by all means!

Happy spanking:

Lucy Pinder and Sophie Howard (NSFW)

The 2006 Lingerie Bowl (NSFW)

Tera Patrick in FHM (July 2006)

Keeley Hazell in ZOO (June 2006, NSFW)