So it was with great glee when I was watching cartoons one day after coming home from school that I saw the adverts for a live action version of Street Fighter with none other than “The Muscles From Brussels,”ť Jean Claude Van Damme. Even though I was 9 years old when I was first introduced to this staple of 80’s action movies when my aunt took me to see the PG-13-rated “Universal Soldier”ť (how I managed to look at the ticket lady straight in the eye and tell her I was 13 without pissing in my He-Man undies is beyond me), I wasn’t really aware of how big of an influence in cinema this Jean Claude Van Damme guy was. Because my mom and her sister (said aunt that took me to watch UniSol, a movie that, in retrospect, was highly inappropriate for a kid as impressionable as I was) loved this guy and the local TV channels would show Van Damme/Schwarzenegger flicks every other week, when I said I wanted to see “Street Fighter: The Movie,”ť the ladies were so ecstatic that they had me stay up a little later to catch his movies on the tube. My dad, not so much; he likes stuff that has a firm grip on reality. Having said that, his favorite show is “24.” In his defense though, and before reeling the narrative back in, “The Jack Bauer Power Hour” brings the one other thing that my dad basks in: “no relationship bullshit.”

This was how I was introduced to such gems as “Bloodsport”ť and its distant, not-as-hot cousin “Kickboxer,”ť “Double Impact,” “Hard Target,”ť “Timecop”ť and many others. With the newfound knowledge and his incredible ability to do splits, I went to the movie theater with the huge video game nerd I house inside my devilishly charming exterior as the captain of the vessel, ready to regurgitate massive amounts of geek juice all over the front row. Now, what happened in the following months is a blur to me, but I do remember having a “meh”ť-type of animosity towards the film. I assume I thought it was “just alright,”ť though I must have given it a pass because I bought a shitload of the special Street Fighter: The Movie trading cards, so much so that, if the 15-year old book I still have them in is any indication, I’m only missing 2. When I first started my long-standing love affair with the internet, I found out that the movie suffered a massive beating by the purists and was labeled as bad all around. Rob, as impressionable as he was, got caught up in it and adopted it as his opinion on the movie. Of course, years passed and it wasn’t until I finished molding my personality and character and realized I don’t need or want to agree with the majority in order to fit in, coincidentally I caught the movie on TV one night and found it to be absolutely magnetic. I don’t know about you, dear reader, but Street Fighter is one of those movies that if I happen to catch on the tube while flipping channels, my world reaches a screeching halt so I can give it the undivided attention it deserves. It’s not Fellini’s 8 ˝ by any means, but I watch it for the same reason that I have “Mortal Kombat”ť on DVD and pop it in whenever I feel like throwing a basket full of kitties off a cliff: it’s just so much fun.

So over the top, so ridiculous and absolutely unapologetic about itself are the reasons why “Street Fighter”ť is such a great movie to watch when you just want to relax and have a good time. It’s kind of a shame that this was the last movie Raul Julia ever did, but to his credit, his portrayal of General M. Bison is definitely a tome of the “Scenery Chewing 101″ť class. It’s simply delicious to watch. Everything about this movie is ridiculous, and several characters are ass-raped versions of their videogame counterparts (lookin’ at you, Ken and Ryu, T. Hawk, Dee Jay, Dhalsim) and let’s not even start with Blanka, the deranged, Muppet-haired Bozo knock-off. There is a lot that my gamer sensibilities should be upset about, and Kylie Minogue was fat when she played Cammy in this movie. I could go on and on, really.

In spite of that, though, I can’t bring myself to turn away every time it’s on. The movie has a subliminal tractor beam that pulls me in and has me swim in the cheesiness not unlike the way Scrooge McDuck swims in his money vault. There are so many moments I could cherry-pick and display for you as proof of this gem of 90’s action cinema, but if there’s a part that can sum up the sheer absurdity on display while watching Street Fighter, there’s only one part I can link to. The nexus of pomposity and overacting masked with an inspirational speech towards the ending of the movie spoken by none other than our protagonist Colonel Guile, played by the thick-accented Van Damme. If you are one of the unlucky few who haven’t had then chance to be blown away by the sheer brilliance of this scene, then today is your lucky day! This is gold, the kind of thing you simply do not see in movies anymore… not like this.

Quick recap for those who are not familiar with the plot of the movie: Guile, along with Cammy and T. Hawk, are about to lead a battalions up river and straight into M. Bison’s fortress. Bison is holding a large number of hostages in his fortress, and is asking for not only a ton of money but also his own country, which in this case would be Shadoloo. Right before disembarking, a government official informs Guile that the attack is cancelled and that the UN will meet Bison’s demands. What follows, as they say, is history:

Motherfucker is pissed. Lesson here is that when you’ve lost your balls, you don’t fuck with Jean Claude Van Damme. Anyway, that same year saw the release of an infinitely more accurate, animated version of “Street Fighter” that respected the game’s cannon. It’s much more serious than the live action version and it’s also one of the cornerstones of modern Anime. I remember it being the first Anime I ever rented (not the first I ever watched; one of the bonuses of growing up in Panama was that our weekday cartoons were mostly of Japanese origin) and thought it was infinitely cooler than the Van Damme version, but now? Not so much. Even though the fights are insane and you get to see Chun Li’s animated breasts as she’s taking a shower, something I was excited about when I first watched it as much as it pains me to admit it now, nowadays my sharp sense of irony lets me see that there’s much more gold to mine out of Van Damme’s Street Fighter. With The N Day having just passed and all, I was struck with a bit of nostalgia and watching people playing Street Fighter II Turbo on an SNES brought back memories. Also, I’ve been listening to the Minibosses nonstop for the past 2 weeks and their music definitely inspires some retro gaming. Here are some tracks to get you in the mood: choose from Mega Man 2, Castlevania, and Contra. Bonus stage: Powerglove’s amazing cover of “Korobeiniki (Tetris theme).”ť

And finally, because you sure as hell want to see it, here’s the Chun Li vs. Vega fight from “Street Fighter: The Animated Movie:”

Panama, even if it is the melting pot the gossip tells you it is, is a country very attached to its Christian/Catholic roots. Christmas, unlike most other holidays we celebrate, is not only an excuse to get drunk and do something stupid but it has an inherent sense of goodwill that’s pretty darn infectious; it catches you by surprise and, even though it’s easy to pass off the holiday as a product or consumerism, you can’t help but feel the mythical “holiday cheer” in spite of it all. December is a transitional month for us due to the fact that we’re getting out of our rainy season while walking into our summer season, which results into hot summer nights with twice the humidity and sporadic rain showers we’ve grown accustomed to for the past 4 months. If having to sleep with a fan pointing right at my balls wasn’t enough, having to go out and find small trinkets for your friends and loved ones in between the sea of shoppers waiting for the last minute to buy everything just as much as you did seems to be an exercise in futility. Now, Christmas is a wee bit different than most holidays given the fact that, as party prone as we are, we give the holiday much more importance than we do the other one. Take it away, wiki:

Christmas or Christmas Day is an annual holiday celebrating the birth of Jesus of Nazareth. It is characterized chiefly as a time for getting together with one’s family (quality family time), spreading goodwill, feasting, and exchanging presents. Although many of the traditions of Christmas (i.e. the Christmas tree) go back to pre-Christian times, Christmas combines the celebration of Jesus’ birth with various other traditions and customs, many of which were influenced by ancient winter festivals such as Yule and Saturnalia. Christmas traditions include the display of Nativity scenes and Christmas trees, the exchange of gifts and cards, and the arrival of Father Christmas (Santa Claus) on Christmas Eve.

Christmas Day always falls on December 25. It is preceded by Christmas Eve on December 24, and in some countries, such as Canada,is followed by Boxing Day on December 26. Some Eastern Orthodox Churches celebrate Christmas on January 7, which corresponds to December 25 on the Julian calendar. December 25 as a birthdate for Jesus is merely traditional, and is not widely considered to be his actual date of birth, although many mistakenly believe to be so.The time of year does not correspond with the winter solstice which is on December 20 or 21.

Christmas is celebrated in most countries around the world, owing to the spread of Christianity and Western culture. Various local and regional Christmas traditions are still practiced.

We’ll get to those local and regional Christmas traditions in a minute. Right now I’m focusing my efforts on my lovable spot of land, and to begin I shall point your attention to our annual Christmas parade, usually taking place on the second weekend of December… I’d like to point something out before I continue, though: it seems to me that the more we get into the end of the year, the more seriously we take our holidays. Wouldn’t you agree? Debauchery runs rampant either way, but at least we have the common decency to get with the program and care about our fellow countrymen while we drink and sometimes go as far as to drink in their name. It’s not like we like to party… we do, but most of the time we do so with great intentions in mind. Anywho, the annual Christmas parade is an initiative that was put forth by our city’s mayor when he first took office 2 election terms ago as a way to spark internal tourism in the country; it would be a great opportunity for independent sellers to cash in on the holiday spirit and we all got a cute parade in return. This even would mark the end of our somewhat-short marching season which starts off in November. All of the city’s schools participate doing their best renditions of tunes both new and old, making the parade the place to be that weekend. Two of the city’s main streets are blocked off to make way for the parade and thousands upon thousands of people flock from all parts of the country to check out the proceedings. This ain’t no Macy’s Day parade, but you can’t help but appreciate the monumental effort everyone puts into it to make this thing special. Because I like you, I decided to spend some time over at the parade itself to see what had changed since the last one I went to (which ironically was the first one) and not much has changed: the city is practically paralyzed all throughout the afternoon and you’re just as prone to getting mugged and felt up like any other event like this. The beer’s cheap, street meat is of questionable origin but rather good (like the ratburgers in “Demolition Man,” I suppose) and if you take the necessary precautions before immersing yourself in this sea of people under a scorching-hot sun you’ll have yourself a great time. All of the major businesses and groups get together in order to provide a full-on car-and dance show that entices both young and old. Christmas itself is one we start celebrating on Christmas Eve, actually; it’s a Latin American tradition to wait X-Mas out just like you would New Year’s Day, making things a little bit more difficult for Santa Claus in terms of sneaking in and dropping the presents, but I have it on pretty good authority that even if we wait it out until midnight and there are not chimneys in the city he still manages to outsmart everyone. He’d pull the same trick for 12 years straight; we’d all go to my grandparents’ house and wait out Christmas Day over there, and when midnight struck we’d open our presents and have a good time checking the new stuff out and what not… when we got home, though, there would be a ridiculously huge present waiting for me under the tree, and no matter how much I’d try to outsmart the fat bastard he’d always manage a way to pull it off! Son of a bitch is good. There’s usually a dinner prior to the gift-unwrapping session where the family gets together and has turkey and ham. Hard dough bread with almond bits is also a must, along with champagne and other excuses to put on a few extra pounds. People are usually more forgiving during these holidays and even though we Panamanians still have some issues with trust and what not, Christmas softens our hearts as well as Mother’s Day does. The problems I might find here are the same ones I’d find in any society that celebrates the holiday… mainly with the commercialism that somewhat stains the whole thing for me. Stop… it’s wiki time:

Santa Claus is a variation of a Dutch folk tale based on the historical figure Saint Nicholas, a bishop from Myra in Asia Minor (the greater part of modern-day Turkey), who used his whole inheritance to assist the needy, the sick, and the suffering. His charity became legend when a man lost his fortune and found himself incapable of supporting his three daughters, who would not be able to find husbands as they lacked dowries. This man was going to give them over to a life of prostitution; however, St Nicholas provided them with gold, enabling them to retain their virginal virtues and marry.

This inspired figure of Sinterklaas, the subject of a major celebration in the Netherlands and Belgium, Germany (where his believed date of death, December 6, is celebrated the evening before on December 5), which in turn inspired both the myth and the name of Santa Claus. “Santa Claus” is actually a mispronunciation of the Dutch word “Sinterklaas” by the English settlers of New Amsterdam (later renamed New York). Whilst in those countries Saint Nicholas is celebrated as a distinct character with a religious touch separate from Christmas, Santa Claus is also making inroads as a symbol during the Christmas season.

Santa Claus is an example of folklore mythology. He now forms an important part of the Christmas tradition throughout the Western World and Japan and other parts of East Asia.

Conventionally, Santa Claus is portrayed as a kindly, round-bellied, merry, bespectacled white man in a red coat trimmed with white fur (perhaps remotely derived from the episcopal vestments of the original Bishop Nicholas), with a long white beard and green or white gloves. On Christmas Eve, he rides in his sleigh pulled by flying reindeer from house to house to give presents to children. To enter the house, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and exits through the fireplace. During the rest of the year he lives together with his wife Mrs. Claus and his elves manufacturing toys. Some modern depictions of Santa (often in advertising and popular entertainment) will show the elves and Santa’s workshop as more of a processing and distribution facility, ordering and receiving the toys from various toy manufacturers from across the world. His home is usually given as either the North Pole, in northern Canada, Korvatunturi in Finnish Lapland, Drøbak in Norway, Dalecarlia in Sweden, or Greenland, depending on the tradition and country. Sometimes Santa’s home is in Caesarea when he is identified as Saint Basil. L. Frank Baum placed his home in The Laughing Valley of Hohaho. In the original Dutch tradition, Sinterklaas lives in Spain and is accompanied by a great number of black servants, called ‘Zwarte Pieten’, which means Black Petes.

Here I was starting to think Santa Claus was a creation made to sell Coca Cola. So, does Santa wear special Santa shorts and use a cooling system whenever he comes down here? I guess we’ll never know. All throughout the month of December the malls in the country are run over by thousands upon thousands of shoppers trying to get the best gifts for their family and loved ones; ironically, Christmas day is one of the slowest business days of the year and it showed! For X-mas i decided I’d pamper my mom by taking her out for Dim Sum and then later for some Italian food at the causeway while a small tornado thingy threated to rip the country in two for the nerve-wrecking 10 minutes it terrorized the populace. the streets were otherwise calm, with the usual weather of “one minute it’s sunny and great and then it’s like we’re being invaded by Shao Kahn and the forces of Outworld the next” reigning supreme. The curse that many people seem to go through during the holidays of feeling sorry for themselves and being introspective and what not hit yours truly as well, as it did many of my fellowship but my way of addressing these things is (apparently) to desperately find something else to entertain myself with until the storm passes and I see that things aren’t as bad as they really are… so I started making phone calls when I got home and one after the other they’d fall into seclusion. So, what did I end up doing Christmas night? Watched TV while sweating like a pig because of the piss-poor weather. To top it off, I happened to have caught “Love, Actually” on the tube… I was told I should watch it because it was a very nice movie so I did… in a way, I somewhat regret doing so but in many others I found it to be a very heartwarming and satisfying movie experience… you should watch it, if not for the awesome British twist on romantic ensemble comedy that works perfectly here, but because of the stuff one can pick out of it:

1. You tell the truth on Christmas: cute sentiment and something I wish more people here lived by. But it’s mostly because of my loathing for fear more than anything else. Because this flick happens in the movie world, the characters find much more inspiring ways to tell each other how they really feel and what they’re really thinking; if only we were this brave, nobody would have any kind of problems whatsoever. We’d all be happily ever after and all it’d take for me to tell the girl I love that I do, in fact, love her would be to learn how to play drums in three weeks and chase her down an airport’s duty free zone (totally possible occurrence, mind you… given enough vodka) but in reality people who are capable of doing things like these when they’re that much pushed into a corner are pretty much labeled as freaks. Welcome to the website, by the way; my name is Robert, and I am a charming, handsome freak.
2. There are many ways to love, and it is as selfish as it is selfless: So, here we go… the meat of this flick (and the sentiment itself) is how many faces it has and how subjective it is. The movie is like “Amores Perros” or “Crash” for the romantic comedy crowd and it just so happens to be populated by English people who passively and/or actively know each other, each one of them going through some sort of variation of love. Some lose, others win, and others even stay the same as when the flick started. I liked this exploration very much, and in many ways is what got me hooked to begin with. Everybody thinks they know what love is but it isn’t until someone else shows you it can be anything we want it to be that all arguments pretty much go to hell. My definition might vary from yours, or maybe you don’t even have one and are looking for the meaning of it all, so in the spirit of Christmas I’ll give you the gem I’ve found and happen to be experiencing: Love, for all its intents and purposes, is selfishness in being selfless. The feeling you have for another is yours to keep and cherish, and whatever you want to do with it is your choice. Time does not apply to this feeling because hours feel like days, days feel like weeks and the next thing you know, you feel like you’re a highlander from all the years you feel you’ve spent when it’s only been a month, you jackass. It makes you think and act stupid, but it also makes you discover how much more of you there is to unleash… and all of it comes from someone else who sees it in you. You would rip the sea in two and level mountains for this person who, unbeknown to him/her, move you and make you an infinite amount of times better than if you were on your own. Out of this selfish feeling you get to unleash such a reckless abandon in regards to the wellbeing of another. It drives you. Your world loses its concept of time, you feel delirious, crazy and with an utter lack of control over things that happen to you, all of it inside a convenient package you call your body. It’s the only way I can explain how people fall in love or their perspectives of the world around them change entirely with the arrival of their children… and of course, this little movie. You can say love is a lie all you want, but fuck you; it feels real to me.
3. Everything’s funnier when it’s British: I don’t know if it’s the insanely sarcastic humor or what, but if this movie were an American production I think I’d despise it. But then again, there’s some influx of American talent in the flick to do the crossover justice, specially Eliza Cuthbert and Shannon Elizabeth. God, those girls are hot as hell. If only we were in the 80’s again so I can enjoy a balls-to-the-wall funny movies made in the States… there are exceptions, though (“Super Troopers,” “Anchorman”) but they sure as hell don’t make them like “Caddyshack” anymore. In contrast? “Monthy Python.” “Alan Partridge.” “Spaced,” and while we’re at it, “Shaun of the Dead.” The list goes on and on, really.

With those thoughts lingering in the hallways of my mind I tried to go to sleep… eventually accomplishing doing so. I look around the blogosphere and many people are feeling the holiday blues, choosing seclusion as a means to spend the holidays. This isn’t as much Panamanian as it is universal; hopefully they’ll come back after New Year’s Day so we can get on with what we left undone in order to celebrate. It’s Christmas, and these are my gifts to you:

• The animation industry’s “50 Greatest Cartoons of All Time,” with video evidence
• Cats in Christmas hats
• Wii fangirl Leah
• A special tribute to James Brown (R.I.P, sex machine)

All videos blatantly ripped from GorillaMask.net. Gasp!

It’s not really my place to be talking about video games since there are other people who cover that front around these parts already but this is my party and I’ll rave if I want to: I’ve talked about the Wii before and since day 1 there’s been nothing but love. I saw this coming, like a tidal wave coming from the distance to wash us all over with digital goodness: The Nintendo DS, the company’s latest in a long line of successful portable consoles is a smash hit everywhere in the world due to its stylish look, awesome interactivity and, what’s most important, great games for all ages. You have your serious games to your more kid-friendly ones and then you have what NOA has come to call “Touch Generations.” They’re games that anyone no matter how young or old can play and enjoy… I’ll give you a recommendation: no matter how old or how serious you are, do yourself a favor and find a N-DS game of the “Brain Age” series. You’ll sit down, giving it the benefit of the doubt. And then the game starts… next thing you know, it’s been three days and you’ve lost track of time and space due to how challenging and, as a result, addicting they are. You’ll also improve your mind’s ability to process and remember things. Great games all around… you won’t be sorry. Anyway, Nintendo’s plan to try and attract non-gamers is wise: when you have games like “Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas” tainting the reputations of games all over and douchebags such as Jack Thompson not helping things, someone had to do something in order to prove all of the retractors wrong. Don’t get me wrong, though; “San Andreas,” and all of the other GTA/Rockstar games are excellent, but the company is known to be as the bad boy on the block and they take pride in it, to the disdain of the rest of the industry and delight to politicians who treat them all like muties. If you’re not video game savvy, I’ll put you up to speed: You’ve heard about violence in video games and how parents are quick to pin the corrosion of values in children and teenagers on VG companies and the games they make just as much as they’ll blame music, TV, movies, the Internet and everything else they can come up with as long as they don’t have to blame themselves for bad parenting. I’m not going to trail as far back as the Colecovision/Atari era because to name the crazy, paranoid studies done on these games in order to find sex and violence is them is so ridiculous it upsets me as much as what happened in the 50’s and the book “Seduction of the Innocent,” which attacked comics in such a vicious way that it created the Comics Code (on it’s last breath, might I add… since most publishers are waking up, realizing that “code” is as moronic and unfounded as the MPAA’s rating board with movies) and put out special interest comic book publishers out of business and almost forced the industry to a colossal collapse… of course, the industry managed to pull out but you can feel the repercussions of that witch hunt to this day. Anyway, I’ll say that the first high profile case of video game violence, and certainly the first one to catch the mainstream’s public eye, was Midway’s “Mortal Kombat.” Everyone knows about the game even if they’ve never played in in their lives, with its realistic (at the time) characters and the infamous “Fatalities” where you could burn your opponent to a crisp or rip off their spine. Since technology never stops growing and we don’t get any younger neither, as developers could do more things with hardware/software and games were allowed to be more complex and realistic, the conservative, ignorant middle-America started protesting against video games, citing them as ills of our society. When stuff like the Columbine school incident happened and suicide rates increased int he 90’s parents and the politicians they elected blamed video games for for it, as well as everything under the sun that they didn’t understand such as Japanese animé, Marilyn Manson, The Simpsons and whatever else they could come up with. Now, with a new generation in video gaming gaining force, there are more of these people who want the artform dead; the most vocal of them is the one named Jack Thompson. Below, some insight on the man’s relationship witht he video game industry… from Wikipedia:

On occasion, Thompson has sparred directly with the gaming industry and its fans. In 2005, he wrote an open letter to Entertainment Software Association president Douglas Lowenstein, making what he described as a “modest proposal” to the video game industry (alluding to Jonathan Swift’s satire of the same name): Thompson said he would donate $10,000 to a charity designated by Take-Two CEO Paul Eibeler if any video game company would create a game including the scenario he described in the letter. The scenario called for the main character to murder a number of industry executives (including one modeled on Eibeler) and go on a killing spree at the Electronic Entertainment Expo. When video game fans promptly began working to take Thompson up on his offer, he claimed that it was satire. However, Jerry Holkins and Mike Krahulik, the creators of webcomic Penny Arcade and of the children’s charity Child’s Play, stepped in to make the donation instead, writing in the memo field of their check, “For Jack Thompson, Because Jack Thompson Won’t.” Afterwards, Thompson tried to get Seattle police and the FBI to investigate Holkins and Krahulik for orchestrating “criminal harassment” of him through articles on their site. Other webcomics have regularly incorporated references to Thompson, alluding to this incident as well as others.

In 2006, two Michigan gamers began a project dubbed “Flowers for Jack“, soliciting donations to deliver a massive floral arrangement to Thompson’s office. The flowers were delivered in February along with a letter aimed at opening a dialogue between Thompson and the video gaming community. Thompson rejected this overture and forwarded the flowers to some of his industry foes, with such comments as “Discard them along with the decency you discarded long ago. I really don’t care. Grind them up and smoke them if you like.”

I think Jack Thompson is an ignorant douchebag. He’s the same as others who can’t understand the meaning of freedom of expression and since they reject what they can’t understand, they try to impose their will no matter what. I read an editorial today on how this movie “Shortbus” is making waves because of its depictions of real sex on screen. Apparently the movie is great, and the sex is not gratituous but in fact it helps the narrative and fleshes out the characters in the piece. Now, just as the article pointed out, the people who wonder why if there’s real sex being shown in movies then why wouldn’t there be real violence should have their head examined. It’s that culture that assumes that the general public is idiotic and will therefore take in their entertainment as true the one that’s making it worse for ventures like these… “nouvo art,” if you will. The thought of it makes me fucking boil. But back to the video game discussion, with the video game industry tainted and losing ground, preventing it to become what it’s destined to be which is as legitimate an art form as movies and graphic novels someone needed to step up and take charge in order to clean up the industry’s image and, what’s more important, attract new gamers and make video games as a culture grow. The one company who brought the industry to the mainstream had taken a beating for almost 10 years I believe, ever since they released the Nintendo 64 and it underperformed… they were the victims of bad decision-making I’m sure… but it looks like they realized their mistakes and slowly but surely started making their crawl back to the top. With the way things are now, I believe Nintendo has stepped up to the plate and what I felt was going to happen from 2 years back is downright inevitable now… Mario will be king again.

Reading the details for the Wii makes me so giddy I think I’m going to piss myself. The way things are now Microsoft’s X-Box 360, the only console in this current generation already out, hasn’t been able to break out of its niche market, mostly American. That, and the only thing they’ve got going for them is “Halo,” which is the game title that put the X-Box brand on the map to begin with… Sony, the leader for the past two generations with the universally-know PlayStation brand has almost systematically shot itself in the foot with their latest console, the PlayStation 3. The thing is a beast from the reports I’ve read, but it’s just too expensive: it seems that the cheapest version of the console (a bare bones edition that’s quite frankly not worth a look at all) will be $600, the wireless controllers being $50, the games coming in at around $60 and other cables and adapters needed to make the investment worth your while amount to more than $1,000!!! No parent on their right mind will shell out the price of a used card for a video game console… and the X-Box is pushing it, costing practically half the price ($500 is still pretty steep but, sadly, more realistic that the reported price for the PS 3) Of course, these console will give you amazing graphics and they’re both equipped with online capabilities where you’ll be able to play with other gamers across the world, talk to them, check global stats and even purchase games online. The added value is that the PS 3 will be backwards-compatible so that means that the games from your former console will be playable on the new one… the X-Box 360 has this feature as well but only with select titles of the original X-Box. The PlayStation 3 was slated to ship out this Christmas but as of right now there haven’t been any playable games, no working consoles to display and marketing/shipment woes that have forced the company to push back the release in Europe to March 2007 (supposedly all other territories will have a launch for XMas but, as I said, we’re in September and they haven’t assembled the units yet).

So, with all of this happening, Nintendo waltzes in with the most attractive, mind-blowing proposal I’ve heard since I became an active gamer. There were many rumors about the “Wii,” but real release details were sketchy; supposedly you’d be able to download and play every game ever released on all Nintendo consoles dating back to the original NES, online capabilities that gamers already enjoyed with the N-DS portable and a very interesting, intriguing trade: graphics for playability. Enter the Wiimote: first of its kind, it puts a spin to what the console can do. Setting up special sensors on your TV you’ll be able to interact with games unlike anything you’ve seen before. The wiimote becomes whatever it is you need during gameplay because of said sensors: for example, in a baseball game the way you knock the ball out of the park is to use the Wiimote as a bat itself… swing and watch the ball fly. For first-person shooter games, you hold the controller like a gun and use the trigger by your index finger to fire. Box by clenching your fists around the controller and punch away. Swing a sword or even a lightsaber. Fish. Hunt for food by using your arrow… the possibilities are endless, and the Wiimote already catapults the Wii into Jetsons-like proportions. When speculation began regarding the price for this console, many realized that this would be the deal breaker regarding whether or not gamers (and the mainstream alike) would take part in Nintendo’s experiment.

So… how much, then?

The Nintendo Wii will have a free online service hooked up via wireless networks. You’ll be able to download and store in your system every game ever released in these systems: the Nintendo Entertainment System ($5 per game), the Super Nintendo Entertainment System ($8 per game), and Nintendo 64 ($10 per game). The rumors about being able to purchase and download Gamecube and Sega Genesis games wasn’t divulged in the press conference. Peripherals (controllers, the “nunchuck,” a special attachment to the Wiimonte) retail at $40 and $20 respectively. You’ll be able to digitize your face and create a character modeled after you, which you’ll be able to use in games. there will be 30 games available at launch day, November 19th, and none of them will excede the $50 mark ($10 less than X-Box games). And the console…?

$249.99.

With third party support locked in, solid first party titles and the guaranteed fun it’s gonna be to play using the Wiimote, as well as the joy that’s gonna be me playing the original “Legend of Zelda” whenever I want tell me that this might be first time in my life I’ll lobby to try and get a console opening day. This thing can’t go wrong, and I’m so happy I could cry. Seeing Nintendo back on top after many years in obscurity is the kind of “Count of Monte Cristo” stuff I love, and if anyone deserves to lead the industry to new heights once more, then it’s Nintendo. It was about damn time.

Live blogging coverage of the conference in question, with more specific details, is here. More details here. The Bastardizer’s homepage is here.