Here’s a thought; In my daily commute of getting work done and my frag score up, I sink out and about into the internet. If you’re a regular here, this is no news to you. Anyway, one of my guilty pleasures is to peruse a couple of celebrity blogs… you know, those site where they talk about how Amy Winehouse will die any day now, how Lindsay Lohan is skinnier by the minute, Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, the tools from “The Hills” and so on.

I mostly go for the bikini pics, but every now and then it’s reassuring to see that people that are more famous and have more money than I do are, in many ways, completely miserable. I guess that’s part of this new Hollywood machine.

Browsing through one of these sites I ran across a post that had pictures of Fergie (of Black Eyed Peas fame) hanging out at the beach; despite the fact that she has a boyfriend, let alone the Transformers dude (Josh Duhamel, for those who want to know), here’s the thing about Fergie, and I’m signaling her out because she’s well known and it’ll be easier to illustrate my point through her, but I’m sure you know someone who carries this particular trait. I’m also sure there’s a term out there for this, and if I ever learn it I’ll let you know.

Fergie has this odd quality about her, where sometimes she’ll look downright stunning as she does in these pics (just look at the pic I’ve attached to this post for evidence), but then sometimes she’ll look like she’s part of an Uruk-Hai platoon. An orc. An orangutan. And a drunk one, at that. It’s that sort of odd, putty-like quality about her that throws me off.

The way I’ve come to rationalize it is that Fergie suffers from an aleatory face-shuffle; you might have heard that old addendum that says women look their worst when they first get up in the morning, and this is true. In that regard, every person on earth has the face-shuffle. But at least, with most cases anyway, the shuffle is not as unforgiving as it is with Fergie.

Getting up and seeing your girl/boy with his/her shuffle on is usually not something that you’d be entirely uncomfortable with. It’s as if to say that if this person was your iPod on shuffle, and you mostly listen to Indie Rock, this particular shuffle would greet you with some Grunge Rock: it’s different than what you’re used to listening, but it’s still within the same genre and therefore is familiar.

On the other hand, Fergie is as if your iPod was in shuffle and you’re used to listening to Hip Hop, when suddenly you’re greeted to the folktastic Latin American melodies of La Tigresa del Oriente:

The change is so drastic it throws you right the fuck off.

Here’s to the people in our lives who, in total disregard of what society might think of them, keep their shuffle setting on and as alleatory as humanly possible. For more Fergie with her shuffle in check, go here.