My dad is a little resentful. And when you have the son of the man that instigated “Just Cause” running the (arguably) most powerful country on Earth with the enthusiasm and expertise of a 5 year old in a sandbox, it’s understandable. Could be a number of reasons that make me feel rather distraught when talking to him, but I try not to because he, like many Panamanians and specially those who lived in the lower-class areas of the capital, have a blind rage towards Americans as a whole, and it’s a shame because it’s the source of how some Panamanians will go out of their way to take advantage of foreigners. And like my father, Panamanians have many of these pre-conceived generalizations that damage more than they do good.

He started talking about what happened at Virginia Tech earlier this year. Very tragic, for sure. I will not discuss what my dad thought of it because it’s mean spirited and sad, but the point I’m trying to get to is more about the fallout of events like these when you have young kids do horrible things to people who don’t deserve it, where experts and news outlets tried to rationalize the reasons as to why this Korean college student snapped and opened fire on campus. My dad went into how an image was found of him holding a hammer at the camera, and how they tied it to violent Asian movies (most specifically “Old Boy”). He started to go on a tirade about how movies, video games, and TV are where kids today are getting these crazy ideas and how its their fault. Look, I’m a reasonable guy. My world view is pretty radical, and that’s why I let people rant off without filter because we share the same rights. Every now and then though, you get someone who is so deliriously off-base that I feel compelled to set him/her straight.

Dad: […] psycho kid took the idea from the violent movies they churn out today. Did you see the image? He picked a movie from his country to act out his tirade on VT!

Rob: No, he didn’t.

Dad: What do you mean? It’s all over the news! (Note: my dad, though he hates the US government, ironically stays glued to Fox News…)

Rob: They’re lying.

Dad: What? Don’t tell me that movie is one of those weird ones you buy off the internet…

Rob: As a matter of fact…

Dad: Oh. My. GOD!!! What are you thinking? Those guys are crazy! They’re the same ones who make those violent video games! I saw an episode of “Law & Order” about it.

Rob: You’re very misinformed.

Dad: They’re all terrorists, Robert. Crazy fucking terrorists!!!

Rob: Look, that’s the sort of stupid, misguided response they always say. I don’t believe that’s the case.

Dad: Then what do you think is the case?

Rob: It’s the parents’ fault.

Dad: What?!

Rob: Of course! Parents who don’t pay attention to what their kids watch or do, and don’t explain to them the difference between right and wrong, will come out screwed up! If parents are concerned about violence in the media, those same parents who use the TV set as a babysitter, I think they should use the parental warnings that are put everywhere on entertainment so that stuff like that doesn’t happen. It’s the parents’ fault if they don’t pay attention to them.

Dad: Video games don’t have parental controls!!!

Rod: Yes they do. The ESRB system is in the front cover of every video game.

Dad: That must be recent!!! I’ve never heard of that, it wasn’t there when you were a kid!

Rob: Yes it was. It was set in place a little bit after the first Mortal Kombat came out, if I remember correctly.

Dad: No, no… you have to understand the pressure. I had to buy you those games, Robert. You’d throw temper tantrums and wouldn’t stop until I bought you what you wanted!

Rob: What’s that got to do with it? If you were really concerned about it you would’ve sat down with me and explained that it was a game and I can’t actually rip out a person’s spine.

Dad: I had the job at the bank. Besides, you’re smart! You could tell the difference from what is right and wrong early on.

Rob: there you go assuming things. What if I wasn’t? If I turned out to be some deranged killer would you have blamed the games I played of the stuff I watched on TV? I’ve played video games, watched violent movies and TV all my life and I’m not plotting to do any killing sprees. But that was because of me and my luck because I’m not dumb. But to blame entertainment and not parents’ irresponsibility to be there for their kids is hypocritical. To blame TV, movies, books and video games for nut jobs and terrorists is, at least to me, a direct insult to the society you live in. You’re basically saying that people are too irresponsible and dumb to police themselves, so the media has to do it for them. The media has so many warning labels… every movie trailer has a warning; shows on TV with mature content have a warning and now every show is labeled with a rating system, the ESRB is for video games… there are warnings everywhere, and if parents can’t or don’t want to use them then its their own fault if their kids turn out screwed up!!!

Dad: […] I have to give you that…

Rob: When you do it on a national scale, no matter what country it is, you’re insulting it in the most degrading way. The controls are there. If they don’t want to use them then it’s their problem but they should stop blaming it on everything else but themselves.

Recently there have been talks about introducing a sex education book in Panamanian schools, aimed at children between 4^th and 6^th grade. The book is currently implemented unofficially in 80 schools across the country, but now there’s a controversy going on because it has been put for the senate’s consideration to make it an official textbook sanctioned by the Ministry of Education. I found out about this due to a news report on the subject, and the whole problem is that some people are very adamant about how early kids should learn about sex. The book goes into great detail into informing children on the concerns of the modern world in regards to unprotected sexual relations and sexuality. There are exercises that, for example, pose scenarios for the reader: “if you could be born again, which sex would you choose?” There are three options available, not two. There are chapters on unprotected sex, the use of condoms, masturbation, homosexuals, bisexuals, transsexuals, monogamy, polygamy, sexual libido and taboos, what to do in the case of rape and how to prevent it along with the regular fare of a study of a person’s reproductive organs and what happens when they’re used for sex, what’s liable to happen during a first time, what happens when the male ejaculates inside the vagina, and other very intricate details about the joy of sex.

Panama, being a highly Christian country as is the case with all members of the Latin American part of the continent, doesn’t quite have the sort of populace that would embrace that method of teaching with open arms. Naturally, the report went into great lengths to show how appalled they were by the book, even if most of them didn’t even browsed through it. They asked the usual suspects: a priest, some people off the street, a member of the senate and teachers from both sides of the fence. It seems that the whole issue here is that a 9-year old kid is too young to know about sex.

My first Sex Ed. Class was when I was 12, in 7^th grade. All I remember of that is the teacher, who had the distinction of talking very loud and showering the front rows with his spit as he talked. These would happen once a year for 3 years until I hit 10^th grade in high school, and it wasn’t until then that I truly learned about sex… by having sex. I learned more from watching Skinemax (Fridays at midnight, without fail. Playboy took over Cinemax, and it was glorious for my raging hormones) than I did at school, and all the talk I ever got from my parents was the sentence that followed a book on Sex Ed. I was supposed to read but to this day is still in its wrapper. What’s a guy to do when all supposedly-reliable sources of information won’t supply it? Well, you go out and find the answers for yourself, of course! And like me, I’m sure many kids have sought out to find their own answers since parents and school either romanticize or don’t get into details of the dirty deed because, to them, it’s politically incorrect for children to be told everything. If parents are too busy to pay attention to their kids and are completely ignorant to parental warnings placed in all forms of entertainment, then all a kid has to do is log on to Google and search for “pussy.” Not only will he find out about sex, but he’ll also be exposed to every possible sexual fetish in existence! Of course, by the time they hit 13 and are ready to have “the talk” (according to society, anyway), they find out that they know more about sex than their elders, and power trips are never good no matter what we’re talking about.

Kids are in their learning prime when they’re young; that’s why teaching them about sex from a purely sociological and scientific angle is perfect, because putting religion in this is not going to help matters at all; it’s that sort of backwards mentality that creates people like the ones I see in the AlmanaqueAzul.org comments: the site has an entry on natural ways of protection when having sex, and every other day some poor fool (usually in his/her teens) posts a comment begging everyone that can help to point out a solution to their unwanted pregnancies. There are girls who have posted that are 6 months into their pregnancy and are still asking for ways to get their period to start again, because they’re scared they “might be pregnant.” It’s this kind of idiot that we should be trying to get rid of as a society, and the only way to do that is to educate them early. Whether the church and parents like it or not, children will run into homosexuality, bisexuality, other kinds of sex that do not necessarily create babies and they will, and I repeat, will masturbate. Get over it. I’m of the opinion that the better informed you are before getting into something, the better. In the end, the only person that’s going to be knee-deep in it is you. So, if they want to teach my kid about sex early in his life then I’m all for it; that way I can finally watch the movies I like without him/her asking me questions every time some girl pops a tit. Knowledge is what makes people smart, and when kids have a thorough learning curve that isn’t sugarcoated or passed over like the one established now, Panamanian society just might have a chance at becoming better.

Information is just so easy to get now in the digital age where the Internet is king. If the chances of a child learning about sex by going online are diminished by having a professional at the kid’s school have a class on the subject, I’d rather have my kid go to school and then I’ll fill in the blanks. Then we’ll play “Gears of War.”

Here’s a postscript for you: in the video gaming world, the name “Jack Thompson” will have you spit on the face. This Florida lawyer is the most vocal voice in regards to blaming the media for the psychos that come out of America. Wikipedia can tell you all about him right here. Anyway, the comic strip posted alongside this editorial by the fine folks at CTRL+ALT+DEL is in response to one of Thompson’s more popular insanities: he bet $10,000 (to go to charity) if a video game manufacturer developed his premise into a video game. The synopsis is insulting:

Thompson’s letter describes a game whose protagonist is Osaki Kim, the father of a high school boy beaten to death with a baseball bat by a 14-year-old gamer who played a game about beating people to death with a bat. The game intro shows the court session where the killer is sentenced to “only” life in prison.

Osaki Kim then swears vengeance, and gets weapons, “even baseball bats. Especially baseball bats.” Kim goes to New York to kill Paula Eibel, the CEO of “Take This”, the company that made the “murder simulator on which his son’s killer trained”, along with her husband and kids, then urinates on their severed brain stems (as in Postal²). Kim then kills the lawyers of “Blank, Stare”, the law firm that defended Take This, “with singer Jackson Browne’s 1980’s hit Lawyers in Love blaring.” Kim then destroys high-tech video arcades called “GameWerks”. Lastly, he goes to E³ on its opening at May 10, 2006, destroying all video game industry execs in “one final, monstrously delicious rampage”.

Along the way, Kim steals supplies from Best Buy, Circuit City, Target and Wal-Mart stores, and roughes up store managers and clerks, yelling “‘You should have checked kids’ IDs!’”

As a result, an independent video game developer actually created a game that tended to every one of Thompson’s requests, titled I’m O.K – A Murder Simulator. Thompson to this day has not kept with his promise, saying the bet was nothing more than satire. It’s ill-informed, misguided dinosaurs like this man that make me loose faith in the human race. Like Thompson, there are many Panamanians that judge things they do not understand with extreme prejudice, and these same people blame everything under the sun except themselves when things go wrong no matter what said things are.

Here’s Thompson in action, on Attack of the Show:

We have Catholic, Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, Buddhism, Mormons, Jehova’s Witnesses, Atheists, and even Scientologists, among many others. Each one with their own belief systems and institutions that enforce the worship of their gods and the practice of their beliefs. There’s even some cults that have been widely ridiculed in the media and stripped apart of their mystique only to reveal how much of money grubbers they truly are. A lot of Panamanians believe that the only way they’re going to feel closer to God is through the churches and other places of worship and that’s fine since it’s part of the human being’s rationale to find a place and a time for everything, specially when it comes to praying and waiting for miracles to happen. Mass, funerals and other events you would do in a church are taken very seriously in Panama just like in the rest of the world, and in many respects the church is just as hypocritical as it’s ever been. The fan base for this is huge, and they’re fanatical enough to thank God for everything they’ve ever accomplished as well as leave Him off the hook whenever things go wrong. All in all, it’s a very sweet deal to be the Almighty One, specially when you have several factions fighting each other all in your name.

Look at the Middle East conflict; not just the Iraqi War (even though it’s another prime example of not only how fanatical religious types can be but also how the media plays such an important role in our perceptions on the whole ordeal) but also the Palestinian-Israeli conflict. That fight is fierce and the very definition of the modern reincarnation of a Holy War if there ever was one. It’s a very serious matter, but I can’t help but see that particular conflict in the same ways as Dr. Seuss’ “Butter Battle Book:” two factions fighting over which side of the same piece of toast is the right one to put the butter on. It automatically deflates the whole thing for me, making it no more than two quarreling children over something silly… but then I remember they have weapons and the stakes go right the hell up again. Speaking of “weapons,” I want to point something out regarding the Iraqi War… food for thought, I suppose. If you want to hear how Americans view Iraq and its people then look no further than Fox News, a totally right-wing news channel that paints America as a savior to the poor Middle East because they don’t know any better. Now, put yourself in their shoes. An Iraqi’s shoes, if he has any.

So, I’m hanging out in my home with my wife and 13 kids. It’s a sunny day, but is there any other kid around these parts? Must get water and food. My overlord is good to me, ruling me over from the Persian Castle that cost him $4 billion dollars… it’s a good life, all in all. I’ve never known anything else, and I’m content with that. One day though, these crazy Americans jump out of their helicopters and spawn out of the ground with the biggest weapons I’ve ever seen, telling me they’ve come to “liberate” me. Liberate me from what? They’re saying my overlord is a dictator and that he treats me very badly. Well, I’ve never known anything else so how should I know? I’ll tell you one thing, though… this American soldier treating me like shit while he’s “liberating” me sure upsets me. They’re telling me what to do, what to eat, how I should behave and they’re changing my entire way of life to their own because they believe that their’s is better. Well, I liked my system of living a lot before you got here, ugly American. Maybe I want to preserve my way of life… isn’t that what “freedom” is about? Isn’t it about doing what you want to do and not let anyone tell you? Kind of like what you people are doing… somehow, not only am I not getting more now than I did before, but presently things are kind of worse. The other day my friend Abdhullah was shot in the head because one of your soldiers thought he had a bomb under his clothes… it was just a rattling toy he had bought for one of his children. Ever since the attacks on 9/11 done by people that neither me nor my former overlord knew you’ve been talking this whole lot about freedom, so then instead of looking for the people responsible for the thing that was done to you, you destroy their country and out on a whim come to mine to “liberate” me? Just like your own people, who are living in fear and paranoia? No, thank you… In fact, I never asked for your help. I didn’t need your your help to begin with… I think I want you out of my country; how can I make you understand that you’re not welcome here anymore? Fight fire with fire, I guess. I will shoot you now, so you know how it feels.

That’s how you create a freedom fighter.

Believing in something without exactly knowing why you do is a very dangerous thing. Belief in something implies that you’ll stand by it no matter what, but everything with tolerance… which is something that apparently we as individuals lack, and we somehow compensate with a ridiculous amount of conviction in a person, place, thing or idea that might or might not be in your best interests. These times it’s so hard to believe in one another… there’s just so much people keep to themselves, so much they conceal as we all hide behind our walls so as to not let anyone in and make a habit of feeling bad about ourselves half the time just so that we can feel alive. Whatever happened to believing in one’s self? Who cares if you have a beer belly, who cares if you don’t like certain things about yourself when someone else believes that everything you do is perfect? It takes a real jackass to not see it when he’s in front of it and if it’s really the case then we’re all jackasses, since we’ve all been in that compromising spot before. Since when did it become a bad thing to believe in people?

I’ve come to realize that we’re in a point in time where everyone pushes on forward on their own, without truly acknowledging one another. It happened to me on Monday, in fact, how I was talking to someone who I care for; we were having a rather deep conversation and I’ve never made any qualms about telling people how I feel about them… in many ways it leaks out of me when I’m around them. It’s a thing about patience; there’s never gonna be a good time to say something heartfelt so I say you might as well go ahead and say it, y’know? It’s always touching to hear nice things from other people. Anyway, we were having this deep conversation and she tells me that she thinks I’ve made her out to be this great extraordinary thing that she really isn’t and all I can do, in my mind, is think of how that’s pretty much the single most stupidest thing I’ve heard all year. It’s kind of crushing how a) for as smart as she is, she’s not grasping my concept of her very well and b) how socially unacceptable believing in someone seems to be. I believe in this person. I believe she can do extraordinary things if only she stopped being so indecisive about every little thing. Is that so wrong? All of the members of Porto Diao are there because I believe that they can do great things and they are, actually. I mean, I know that I love being supported. It feels great to be cheered on and it feels great when someone offers to help me with the same enthusiasm I have. Is it really a sin to believe in people, though? Sometimes this girl makes me sad. She sounds so let down that believing in her is just not enough. Even if it’s me who believes in her, and I like to think I’m pretty important in her life.

Panamanians have trust issues that are inherent in the way we’re taught how to approach life, with the whole “Juega Vivo” school of thought. No wonder we like to live out our lives with as much drama as possible. Personally I don’t think I can call myself an exception because if there’s something I’ve learned is that everyone has drama in their lives. It’s a universal thing… we can say we don’t like or want drama but the mere fact we talk and interact with each other is enough for us to have to shut our mouths. There is no such thing as an absence of drama. And since drama is so embedded in our lives, seeing so much depressing shit happening all around us then it shouldn’t be a surprise to see how much lack of faith in ourselves we have, instead looking up to the skies to tell your God of preference how you seek their guidance in whatever drama you’ve managed to cook up for yourself, you jackass.

Hell, sometimes I believe God is a woman. Sometimes I believe it’s Bob Marley. Sometimes I believe it’s a fucking shoe, the point being that I can make that choice since I believe in myself enough to be cocky about what I chose to deposit belief into. I tend to believe in people and their capacity for overcoming their fears… it’s why I like to push their buttons so much and push their limits of tolerance ’til the point where it’s almost uncomfortable; trust me when I tell you that all of those boundaries are imaginary. It’s maddeningly frustrating to see people who are convinced they’re right about their grim, pessimist and grounded outlook to life that it brings me down. The same person I was talking about earlier would keep going on about how no one is safe from getting hurt, no one is gorgeous, everyone and everything sucks, and her demeanor portrayed how she can be so outright dumped about everything that makes me think just exactly what it is I see in her that makes me even want to talk to her. She’s Panamanian, mind you. I hear this crap a lot, too. I mean, shit, I get sad and pissed like anyone else but I never turn this pessimistic. It must be my unabashed appreciation for the BeeGees. God, I love the BeeGees. Anyway, belief is a very tricky thing to stand behind for, specially when the object of your belief is of flesh and bone and most importantly in the same level as you are. We always look up to and “believe” in superstars and ideas and theologies… all of them things we can’t really touch. But to believe in someone you can so much as call and see for yourself tends to be, dare I say it, a leap of faith for a lot of people… how terribly sad that is.

[L:74] Belief, for Kant, is a form of judging something to be true, intermediate between mere opinion and certain knowledge. To believe something in this sense is to judge that it is true by virtue of “a ground that is objectively insufficient but subjectively sufficient”; in mere opinion neither are sufficient, in knowledge both conditions are met.

This girl I know? The pessimist I’ve been talking about? She’s most definitely far from perfect. She pisses me off with her insecurity and indecisiveness in the things that truly matter. She says she doesn’t like drama (like we all say) but I’m 200% sure she’s knee-deep in it right now, as I write this. Do I love her as a person? Of course I do, because if I didn’t then I wouldn’t believe in her and what she’s capable of. I thought about what she told me when she said she thought I made her out to be the grandest shit the universe has ever expelled or something ridiculous like that, and maybe I see something in her she herself doesn’t, or isn’t. She’s just a little twinkle in the grand scheme of things, as am I. But hell, if we believed in each other instead of fueling our own insecurities then maybe we’d be able to shine a little brighter. Panama, as a country, needs a shot in the arm when it comes to this… I’ve said it many a time before: just like this girl, she has potential but she’s so sunk into herself and feeling like shit that she can’t even see it.