Some things just fall in like clockwork: I was over at CHUD and they ran a piece talking about The Rock… y’know. “Can you smell what The Rock is cookin’?!” Holy chinchilla if that isn’t awesome! The dude’s one of my favorite wrestlers of all time (I do watch wrestling from time to time. Fuck you, jackass) and looking back the reason why I stayed watching the WWE because of him wasn’t necessarily for the way he wrestled but for the way he worked the crowd. I don’t think I had ever seen something quite like it before he arrived and in many ways I haven’t seen anything like it since. The dude just oozes charisma. He makes you want to hear and see him. That’s whay I thought that the transition from wrestling to movies was going to be organic and downright seamless since the guy is built to be an action star. THE next action star. So, why hasn’t it happened? I don’t know, but I’m a bonafide fan and I’ve got the “extended cut” of “DOOM” to prove it. For some inexplicable reason The Rock isn’t the huge movie star he should be… most of his movies are crummy except for perhaps two, but definitely one; I’ve watched all of The Rock’s movies and I make no apologies for it but it’s a shame that he gets such a bad rap because of it… he’s been in crappy movies, but he’s always the best thing out of said flicks. He’s always on point, always a pleasure to watch kick ass. He was probably the best thing out of “Be Cool,” “Walking Tall,” and even “DOOM,” along with the admittedly cool First Person Shooter sequence they were hyping to death around promotion time for the movie. Otherwise, though… otherwise, those movies are shitty, and “DOOM” is downright laughable. I watch it when I’m depressed or drunk/high with friends so we can make fun of it. “The Scorpion King” reeks of testosterone and I think that’s what they were going for to begin with; for the most part, they succeeded in making a competent action movie but it was definitely The Rock’s show there, which leads me to the only redeeming notch on the actor’s slate… the beacon of light amongst so much trash.

Sometime last week I went with Magnus, El Bear and 2SXC to Blockbuster Video. Ever since I got the card I’ve just been looking for excuses, man. Give me an excuse and we’ll go. Anyway we went and started our ruckus; the Canadian in our flanks pointed out afterwards that she had never seen a group of people spend so much time and have so much fun at a Blockbuster… and to tell you the truth, we are pretty loud. Also, our swear filter’s off so imagine us renting movies on a Thursday or whatever at 8PM with kids and parents running around while I’m talking about how Dulph Lundgren “beats the living shit out of this version’s fucking Punisher-Lite. The 80’s Punisher rules… ‘Universal Soldier.’ FUCK YEAH!” and much more delightful commentary as we surfed the racks in search of a cool flcik to watch. Since I like freaky mind-fuck movies my opinion when it comes to what we should watch has been tainted, mainly because of Christopher Nolan’s “Memento.” Not a popcorn movie at all, but at the time I thought the people I was with would be able to stomach it. They were not. So whenever I suggest any flick that’s either not a blockbuster (tee hee, I said blockbuster and we were at Blockbuster Video) or not foreign they’ll throw a “Memento” flashback back at me, and I’ll tell you one thing, man. That was like, 4 years ago. Whatever. “Memento” is fucking awesome.

I’m looking around the “Action” section and run into what’s hands-down the best Rock movie to date… “The Rundown,” a.k.a “Welcome to the Jungle” for those of you in Australia. Directed by Peter Berg, it’s one of those movies that really hit its stride once it came out on DVD, ala “Austin Powers” and most recently “The Transporter.” It’s an awesome flick, fun as hell. It has Sean William Scott (”Stiffler” from the “American Pie” movies) and Rosario Dawson (if you don’t know who she is then google her RIGHT. NOW.) as well as CHRISTOPHER WALKEN. This should’ve been a no-brainer but do you know what? They didn’t wanna get it. They pulled a “Memento” on me. Man, what a big mistake. I went back last night and got it and it’s just as great now as it was when I first saw it at the movie theater. The guys’ redeeming factor was that they did give me a pass and watched “Shaun of the Dead” instead which is funny as hell so I won’t complain, but it was a real shame about “The Rundown” and I believe that the reason why they weren’t feeling the idea of renting a Rock movie was because most of his flicks are mediocre and forgettable.

Why is that? Why isn’t The Rock a bigger movie star than he already is? He’s got the physique, the charisma and the presence to headline an awesome “Commando” type movie where his name could be “generic jackass 13″ and audiences would still see him as The Rock, which is kind of what happens in “The Rundown” without it being too distracting. And he’s a good actor too, trying to broaden his range with roles like that gay afro dude he played as in “Be Cool;” that’s fine and dandy but personally I want to see The Rock blowing shit up. He has it in him, and I’ll be there when it happens. I’m not sure if it’s going to be soon either, considering what the CHUD article talked about regarding his upcoming slate with “Gridiron Gang” being “Hard Ball” but with football and “Southland Tales,” as much as it’ll break Smoth’s heart, not sounding as solid as it should when you factor in the critics. The Cannes thing was a horrible experience, so much so that it sent the director Richard Kelly back to the editing room for a virtual overhaul of the film. I hope my brother’s right, I hope this flick blows the doors off and sets the roof on fire because that’ll mean that The Rock will hit the big time… one that’s been a long way’s coming.

Here’s what Wikipedia has to say about The Rock:

Dwayne Douglas Johnson

(born May 2, 1972 in Hayward, California), better known by his stage name The Rock, is an American actor and a semi-retired professional wrestler for World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE). Following his movie acting debut in The Mummy Returns, he also starred in The Scorpion King, The Rundown, Walking Tall, Be Cool, and Doom.

Johnson first gained mainstream fame as a standout in the World Wrestling Federation (now “World Wrestling Entertainment”). Before becoming The Rock, he was known as Rocky Maivia, in homage to his father, Rocky Johnson, and his maternal grandfather, High Chief Peter Maivia (both of whom were also wrestlers, making Johnson the first third generation wrestler in the history of the WWF). After largely retiring from the ring to begin his acting career in 2001, Johnson retained the name “The Rock”.

After The Rock’s first role in The Mummy Returns, he reprised his role as The Scorpion King in the 2002 movie of the same name. The movie was generally panned by critics, but was a box-office success, taking in more than $90 million. His five million dollar paycheck for The Scorpion King earned The Rock a listing in the Guinness Book of Records for the highest salary for an actor receiving top billing for the first time. His next role was in The Rundown, a formulaic action/comedy which earned generally favorable reviews from critics initially skeptical of the grappler-turned-actor, but was less successful financially.

In 2004, The Rock starred in a remake of Walking Tall, as war hero-turned-sheriff Chris Vaughn (loosely based on Buford Pusser, the real-life inspiration for the original), who returns to the town where he grew up and rids it of corruption with his trusty four-by-four.

In 2005, The Rock saw more exposure on the big screen as he starred alongside John Travolta and Uma Thurman in Be Cool (where he was Punk’d by Ashton Kutcher’s crew members by blowing his trailer up into pieces, while shooting the movie) as a put upon gay bodyguard trying to find success as an actor, the sequel to Get Shorty. He will star in Spy Hunter, a movie based on the popular video game. He has been approached to play the role of Duke Nukem in a live action Duke Nukem movie, and starred as the character “Sarge” in the movie based on the popular Doom video game series - the film was his first film to receive an “R” rating in the United States. Johnson will also star in the live-action movie adaptation of the Cartoon Network series Johnny Bravo (to which he considers a great honor). He co-starred in Richard Kelly’s Southland Tales as an amnesiac action film star, Boxer Santaros.

One of The Rock’s most anticipated personal projects is the role of Kamehameha I, the warrior chief that united the Hawaiian Islands and governed them as the Kingdom of Hawaii. A former Honolulu resident, The Rock developed an admiration for the king who became known as the Napoleon of the Pacific for his skills in warcraft and diplomacy. The Rock signed to create the movie with Columbia Pictures. Its preliminary title will be King Kamehameha and began the first stages of production in Hawaii in 2003.

The Rock was considered for the role of Willy Wonka in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. He, on multiple occasions, had expressed great interest in playing it. Not because of the success of the movie Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory, but because the book Charlie And The Chocolate Factory is his daughter’s favorite book.

There has been some speculation of his taking over for Arnold Schwarzenegger for the Terminator and Conan film series.

In 2006, The Rock seems to be establishing himself as a bona fide serious actor. It was announced that Southland Tales was one of the 18 films selected for screening at the prestigious Cannes Film Festival, though the film received a very poor reaction from the festival-goers. This film is also notable for the fact that his real name, Dwayne Johnson, and not solely his more famous stage name, appears in the credits, as Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.

On June 21, 2006 it was reported that The Rock sustained the injury during training for his new role in which he stars as a professional football player who discovers he’s the father of a little girl after her mother passes away. Due to a leg injury The Rock had to undergo surgery and roll back filming on Disney’s ‘The Game Plan’. During a practice session, the former WWE wrestler ruptured his Achilles tendon and was taken into medical care. He was scheduled to have surgery on Friday June 23, 2006.

Production was set to start filming in early July in Boston, but has been put on hold until he makes a full recovery. While such injuries are common, it can often take up to six months before they’re fully healed.

Both the studio and the actor released separate statements saying that they are keeping a positive attitude and look forward to resuming work on the film as soon as possible.

The Rock said: “I anticipate that with some TLC, pizza and a lot of donuts, I will be making a speedy recovery and will be able to get myself, and everyone who has been working so hard on this production, back to the business of doing what we love most, making movies.”

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