It was Sunday night, and we were lounging about after a boxload of pizza and oversized drinks. We were waiting for 10:30 to come since that would be the moment we could walk into the dark movie theater and check out the latest exploits of detective John McClane in “Live Free or Die Hard.” The usual suspects: Butter, Jennifer, Lucho and AIGB. It was past 10 PM at this point, when the food court establishments have either closed shop or were in the process of doing so; because of that, tables that weren’t being used would be cleaned and prepared for Monday morning and, as is the case with most food courts in the world, many people don’t bother to throw away their dirty cardboard dishes and plastic dinnerware on the trash can, resulting in some very dirty tables that need tending to. We bought more pizza than we could eat, so half a large-sized pie was on our table, getting cold while we decided whether to take it with us, take it to the car or leave it there. We were talking about the intricacies of the Multiverse concept applied to comic books when I noticed a very particular-looking character, walking out of the movie theater lobby like some type of gnome elf.

Picture this: a 16 year old male with the body shape of a tree trunk. Not too big, not too small but a tree trunk nonetheless. This person has a furrowed brow, with jet black hair that stems out of his head like a well-kept Chia Pet. He possesses Neanderthal facial features, even though he seems well-fed, healthy and without a hint of body hair. He looks like the Earth X Hulk, if you will, and walks as such: his back arched, shoulders down and with his arms hanging slightly in front of his torso as to create a wall in front of him. As for his attire, he was wearing tight-fit, retro style white trunks (Adidas brand), a matching white track jacket with no shirt underneath it and leather flip flops. He came out of the movie theater like this, looking rather hungry and disoriented.

I pointed him out, we commented on it a little, had a laugh and moved on.

It wasn’t long before he came back to the spotlight, and with a vengeance. Jenny and Butter noticed it first, and then I was lucky enough to see it for myself: the trunks kid got together with two of his friends to scout the food court and eat the leftovers on empty tables. I couldn’t believe it at first, none of us could but, sure enough, he did it again for all to see: mall employees cleaning up tables around them, Trunks and his friends would slow down and stop next to tables that had a) been abandoned and b) had leftover food on them and they would nibble and munch on whatever was there. This kid even had the gusto to pick what he wanted from the plates they’d find.

We were pretty shocked by the absurdity of the scene. Not only where the children of, and I’m assuming here but I really don’t believe I’m wrong, well-off parents spread out looking for food like if they were in the jungle, but they looked upset when they couldn’t find anything they liked. At this time of the incident, Butter thinks it would be a good idea to give Trunks our leftover pizza. It seemed like the right thing to do, since I didn’t want to have the car smell like pepperoni, chicken and ham, so as to increase the level of ludicrousness good ol’ Butter picked the pizza box off the table and went out to engage these strange individuals scouring for leftovers like new-age hobos in expensive track gear.

Trunks was afraid at first, but as soon as butter told him he was getting free pizza (leftovers, no less) he jumped at the pizza box like a rabid monkey. As soon as I saw the kid’s reaction, so needy, so desperate, as if his eyes has sparkled up like diamonds, from the deepest corners of my soul a laugh was born. That laugh worked its way past my throat and out my mouth like a tidal wave, unleashing this roaring haul that I’m sure was heard outside in the parking lots. The premise of this young, preppy kid in ridiculous getup scouring the food court of an upscale mall for leftover food in order to eat dinner was so ridiculous, so far-fetched and so hilariously brilliant that I had to laugh.

I thought about it when I got home: a lot of preppy kids like to call attention so they’re prone to doing stupid things for it. But this behavior didn’t look like a gimmick; I saw it in his eyes, how he was concentrated in finding the best pick in the litter. I would’ve understood if he looked like a homeless person but he didn’t… his clothes were white, and they looked fresh out of the washer. No, no, no. There was something sinister about everything here. Bad manners. Disregard for proper hygiene and etiquette. Lack of shame. One thing is to have no shame as in not having any care about the repercussions of your actions, and another one is to eat other people’s leftovers. I have met some people whose fathers come from the interior and have made big business out of the breeding and agriculture industries. They’ve amassed great fortunes and therefore could afford to live the jet-set life with their families, but no amount of money in the world rectifies nasty manners. It’s as the saying goes:

“You can take the monkey out of the jungle, but you can never take the jungle out of the monkey.”

Because of this disregard for proper behavior in a civilized society, these honky-tonk fathers raise their boys with socially-retarded mentality and that’s how they end up as fucked up as they do. And it’s because of kids like these that we’re stuck with the shy, asinine society many seem so content with. I don’t know why Trunks was scavenging for food like that; maybe he ran out of allowance money and he was very hungry. I will always wonder what circumstances led him to take such course of action that fateful night… but if I’m lucky, I’ll run into him at the food court again and simply ask.

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