What I’ve Learned in 2009
2009 was a year of change for many of us. I feel at odds by using the word “change” to describe, well, anything for that matter since it’s now become cliché due to a number of factors that don’t belong here; still, I think we can all agree that despite the fact one of the most prominent countries in the world now has a black president, we can say that there has been “change” in our lives as well. This year was quite eventful for me. Without any real consistency throughout, it was a roller-coaster unlike any I had ever confronted before. When things were good, they were good in ways I only wish I could describe, moments made that much sweeter when things would go sour, which they did. I feel the way Indiana Jones must’ve felt at the end of “Raiders of the Lost Ark:” battered, tired but satisfied to have come out of that adventure not only in one piece, but also having learned valuable life lessons along the way. I feel like I’m busting out the seams. I simply do not know where to begin, since I’ve learned a lot this year, and I want to pass this along to you in the hope that maybe I can help you in the coming one. To say it’ll be short and simple feels like a lie coming from me because it rarely ever is, but I promise you I’ll try to make it as palatable as I can.
Thank you for reading.
1. Complexity is Complication’s ugly, buck-toothed cousin. They are related, and because of this complex relationships can quickly become complicated. Complexity is good, like layers on a cake: nobody hates something that feels rich, whole and worth keeping with you. Whether your relationship is with a person, place, thing or idea though, there is always the risk of these layers overlapping and causing an unrecognizable mess. Something beautiful in its complexity can quickly turn ugly due to complications. I lived this in the flesh, with cakes I’ve liked for a very long time. At first I thought outside forces out of my control were getting involved; call it God, the Cosmic Tetris, fate, black magic or whatever, but then I realized that I kept blaming these concepts because it was easier than bucking up the real reason why good things would suddenly taste sour…
2. Fate is really people. Whether it was Porto Diao or the people closest to me, the way I relate to them isn’t more preordained than the weather is. You can predict, sure, but you never know with people. One day someone will wake up loving you, but the next they’ll wake up hating you because they love you. It could be something you did or something you stopped doing. Maybe you never did anything to begin with. Hell, maybe watching a shoe commercial that morning triggered it; you never know. Maybe things are written and this deconstruction is irrelevant but the real lesson here, at least to me, is as clear as water: with so many ways things can happen, why worry? Your actions do have repercussions. If you put your hand on the fire, you’re bound to get burned. But unlike fire, if you do something to someone else, anything can happen.
3. It’s hard to come across good-willed competition. I don’t care about what the public perception of me is, even though I have been told that I should start paying more attention to it. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, and I accept that. The thing is that this year I’ve ran into people who have bypassed the regular hypocrisy and decided to flat-out hate on me and what I’m doing to my face. Looking into it, it’s all been from what I guess I should consider Porto Diao’s “competition.” I’m sure this selective few see it that way. It’s downright nasty, really. On the plus side, being seen as a threat means that I must be doing something right so I’m happy about that, but all I want to do is to be able to do cool shit for my country. Some people will see money to be made there. Others will see that as a threat to their own interests. I see it as “kickin’ ass and takin’ names.”
4. Trust and forgiveness are things you earn. I don’t know how you measure your friendships, dear reader, and I’m not one to start telling you how you should do it. I have been in situations this year where I have been forced to push people out of my life because I felt they were abusing my trust and love for them. I don’t hand these things out very easily, “love” and “trust.” In fact, I’ve learned this year that it’s monumentally hard for me to do so, and I am always defensive about it, protecting myself with razor-sharp wit and lack of care. The instances that led me to act this way are too absurd to talk about… you wouldn’t believe me if I told you anyway. Still, you know how it is when you feel someone’s taking the best of you? The best of you, I believe, is something reserved for people in your life who have earned the right to enjoy it. In that same token, you should appreciate it ten-fold when someone does something for you to the best of their ability for no other reason other than because of who you are.
5. I love it when you bet on me. This is probably the most important thing I’ve learned about myself this year, not just because of the obvious, but because it’s allowed me to see through the people that I’ve surrounded myself with and, by proxy, the life I’ve led up to this writing. I guess Pixar’s “Up” sums it up the best, but I’ll try: it seems to me that people give themselves so many excuses to not trust and love each other that, when you do run into someone who will believe in you for no other reason aside from the fact that it’s you, it’s something that no one should turn away from. In all of my years of adventuring one of the main reasons why things don’t happen is people’s personal interests: “what about me?” “what do I get out of this?” “I don’t want to get hurt.” 26 years of fighting to be heard and understood, and it’s only now when I’ve encountered people who will not only believe in me simply on the merit of who I am, but tell me without hesitation. There is no army I can muster that could help me defeat that degree of kindness. Telling myself I’m incredible is one thing… finding someone incredible that makes you believe you are too is amazing. It’s trust in its most magnificent expression. It’s something worth fighting for.
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